Slotting in an entry....wkend dun even haf time to finish bloggin the iceland trip.
Was thinking what shld the title of this entry be. Then decided that i shall jus go with the thots, i will get back to the title later.
I know i really need to train my writing skills more. Sometimes i wonder if it is broken english....what was i writing, what so i mean, what was my point? Mental blocks while forming sentences seem more often than usual. Not fluent, not fast. My friend commented on the english lang of an email. I re-read it, indeed. Almost flawless. Especially impressive if it is written once without vetting. Power.
So the wk when i got back from honeymoon, fell sick, had 2 day mc and the long wkend to recover. The bug was really strong, made me feel better abit then threw me back into the quick sand, struggling to stay alive. The aches were all over, whole body felt weak, the throat and nose made me more tired. But i was really zen. Like controlled by the bug, i move with care, as if i have a bowl on top of my head. Good actually, cos i wasnt rushing and in a flustered mode. U know usually my flustered mode starts when my patience wears thin, then will rush into closing the issue. Since you dont get it, can we jus stop and end here? Of cos it is a bit unfair cos the person i was conversing with had not finished his piece. But when i am zen, i am jus doing onr ear in one ear out. I jus had to point out when something goes wrong. Sometimes i wonder why pple can accept and then later complain behind, did they only realise it later? Or they can really let it go and let the person "win" at that pt in time. When it is obviously not the right way to do it. The considerations were not raised cos they jus want to end the mtg, it is smth they can let go. But i cant. How torturous.
Another one is pple dont do their part after it was discussed and work is distributed. T4. What did the world do during the one month? But they did provide good info, they can be historians, all the happenings they are aware, jus lacking one coordinator, nobody stepped up and all was held in a deadlock cos nobody knows what to do next. Nobody raised and all kept quiet. Then finally jus say, "well i am only one person, there is so much i can do" and "ok i am no good thats why dunno how to do". Full stop. What do u expect to say? So we continue to keep quiet? When everyone is waiting for IT and nobody cares that their own team is the show stopper? At least try to priortise right and raise proactively. Not like sit there and wait for things to happen. So obviously kenna lecturing la. Straight to the pt, no time to waste on scolding, i think humiliated ba cos so straightforward and in front of everyone. Detail next action and action in charge, action in charge better update if it has been done. Cannot do or dunno how to do, u better raise. I am not scolding for not doing (tho subtlely), i am scolding for keeping quiet. Damn pissed. So i volunteer stupidly lor, who dunno i cover but u must let me know. Apparently, they manage to close some of issues these 2 days. Good progress and thank them publicly also lor. That is why there is a difference in dunno how to do vs nv bother to do. Anyway, due to the difference since fri, i am appreciative that they listened instead of one ear in one ear out. As long as it is learnt and improved for future, it is enough. Being sceptical as usual, let's see how long this last.
Mpas. Also lack of coordination and proper holistic think through, what happened, why and whats next then for what. After doing, where are the results documented? Proof of how far is the jump, sceptical me cannot be convinced by subjective phrases like quite far or quite ok. Can we quantify? And tabulate then need to analyse the data. Strong team yet a weak one, or maybe a scattered one, the resources not tapped upon fully. Not new. This is another round, but obviously better, less scattered than the first. As usual, ask for volunteer nobody volunteer one. I applaud how the instructors trained our squad to be so proactive, whatever shit work, someone will jus volunteer. And siao onz pple jus volunteer everytime to score points. Smart pple take turns to volunteer. What good culture as compared to all keep quiet....stay low profile, nobody find out even better. So nvm i volunteer myself and arrow someone else with me. Next task how, no volunteer again. Still lacking...if only i dun nid to step in, if only someone could step up. I really need to find a way to auto pilot this. Having said all these, the team is strong, they know wat was done and brain pool eliminates confusion, it all jus unravels at the table. It is beauty. Beauty of team work. All i did was asking, facilitating, i know the least among all. So after i ask if u can do what i jus did. The ans is learning, nt easy but it is sufficient. Well answered.
Too much load still. Damn...the wave of events happening is non trivial, 11 hours at desk without much rest still cannot complete..too many coming in. And some are created by people, it is not even my problem, why am i contacted? Then i can hear that they will try to thank me sincerely at the end of the phone call, and i will feel bad for being so flustered explaining. Cos want to explain fast ma...why u dont understand. Do i have low tolerance for pple who are not smart thinkers? I think i appear so, cos of being too outcome focus. But come to think of it, i am not really coz im more appalled by pple who pay lip service and sit there wait for things to happen, no effort to try to contribute. If u try, u wont be blamed. Like i tried to do this this but it is not working. U know, show some effort of contributing. Shrugs. What is my own job match? Honestly...pple who told me that it is not a job match couldnt tell me what kind of work shld i be doing. I even tried imagining training the horse in iceland. No way. If i role play the different occupation in the mind, which would be more driven to wake up every morning for?
