Sometimes prolly it is better to give death stares. U know there are jus some wounds that remain open forever n imagine salt being sprinkled onto them. The reflex, the immediate reaction is jumped up, swiped everything off the table and fire at will. thus to avoid such situation, got to train to fire death stares. The silent manner instead of getting worked up.
An interesting find. Hate the elitist way, train train train, it is like jus drills, jus sharpening to reach a "desired target" the structured way. So urgh. The gep way. Taboo, but always what we hate. This encompasses too many traits. Jus like how the express and normal acad pple speak to us with sarcasm "ok lor, of cos u r right, u all are "special"" what. We always kenna verbal abuse. Since sec 1, i wonder why pple want to put pple down like tat. Whats up with the streams? We dont like the gep but we jus secretly hate them. These camp mates are straightforward. very status and rank conscious. Shrugs, a cycle.
I cant stand the structured way, anything that resembles the sg edu will kenna condemed. The mould, the shoulds and should nots. The elitists way. It seems like to them, there is only one way to success. A single path. Trod along else u fall back. Jus loathe it.
But then, i realise actually innately, it is my default inclination, v easy for me to behave in that way, aim to reach where i wan to go, will put myself under training, in the race, to be better according to my own expectations, with relativity still. And then I hate being results oriented, why must we be trapped in the mould the sg way, the deemed to be successful way. and then i realise... i m training myself to go against it. Im breaking away from my natural pref, undergg the stress to become someone who is not me. Here it is, if im not aiming to become better, why am i training myself?
Ironic, and i didnt realise till i thot abt it. Prolly during sch days i was a STJ. it is like trapped in the competition, conscious of scores, conscious of being the best i cna become in all activities/ activities. Being in the top few until i got fed up with this kind of life. Then i change to NTP, but i wonder if it is a clean switch, there could some lingering traces of the character. There is a change in pref. I jus dont want to go the structured way. Pple shld be develop in their own way, not the trainers' way . This is the stress. This is not easy. I will have the tendency to do it the np instructor way, i mean how difficult is it to teach pple what u know, wat u think is right, create a regime, jus train. Easy of cos. What is difficult is to unlock others and enable them to develop in their paths. Teachers need to customise their methods for different students, no longer like the past, one method for all.
I hate the limited edu courses in sg, why are we so geared towards math and science? Why are writers not developed, musicians, architects, designers and artists have fewer or no platforms to perform? Jus cos they think sci and math is required to boost the economy. Why is there more emphasis on the sci stream as compared to the arts stream, how many sgporeans have suffered. if i had not been moving along with them, what was my real strength? If i were left to develop at free will, what would i become? And now they want to push us to the bottom with what we have, what we are supposedly to be stronger with the fts in unis. How many talents have been buried jus cos their own wishful thinking. The society is moulded in the specific direction and not enabling, facilitating and supporting its pple. This is the level up from the usual teaching or coaching. One is not to produce clones of oneself. But indeed this is stressful, the onus becomes to be on the trainers.
And so i discovered that i get annoyed when the old way is pinpointed. Of cos easier for me but is it what i want to become. Shld i give up jus cos it is easier. Inner struggle, have wanted to take it easy a few times. But i will be falling into the mgmt trap...noooooo.....
And then the pros and cons of democracy start to surface. The balance is required for this, cant swing too much on one side. i commended one on purpose to all in the email, to illustrate what is value add, what is going on the extra mile despite how small the task is. Really it is always better to point out someone's weakness through another's success. The intention is there, it is alright if not achieved, if the person din catch it then too bad. Always better than hurting his eco, tho lack of slp and the stress is creating havoc with the temper, not excuses, but have also apologised for firing. We jus need to review what we have been doing is right. trust leads to lack of policing. No there is no breach of trust, jus miscomms. R/s will hurt more if it is the latter. So far we have maintained that. not worth to sour becos of work thus pls control. Soliloquizing.
