Felt like ive not written for the longest time. All the thots are either accumulating in the mind or it was lashed out mindlessly during random chats. Thanks to the poor listening ears which have suffered tho.
Im happy to finally receive the ipad air. Missed the first delivery. Who will wait the entire time period for the stuff to arrive? Strange. The service lady was superb tho. Gave her gd ratings. Very customer oriented and well trained. Explored the options and mentioned that she will personally track the order. Im sceptical, but i still half believe wat she said, and she really called to confirm just before delivery as the delivery man will nt call which i dun understand why. once i signed in the itunes, they know it is alr delivered. The smart cover was delivered earlier. The wrong colour, sender apologise for mistake and offered discount for the next purchase. Anyway was within expectation, it will be quite troublesome to do the exchange, tho i jus tried emailing them. At least they responded. No choice.
Jus had to blog this new toy of the year first, before the rest of it which isnt my inclination to reveal my inner thots, but lets just do it. The "lets" here sounds schizophrenic. Sigh. It is like im an open book. No no im nt usually one la. Expressive doesnt mean all thots are read wat.
So when can i say la vie est belle with zest? Instead of the spirited enjoyment, it's morose. Urgh. I reckon the root cause to be the rush. So why do i need to rush? Im more amazed if pple dun nid to, if i dun rush, i can confirm delay. So why cant jus let it delay. U all r nt wrong also, i dunno either, only aware that this time rush is affecting my attitude. Ive been told that im influential, no harm in spreading blithesome nature or contagious luffter, tho i dun want to spread impatience. I was informed of all 3 by 5 different pple. double edged influence.
Was overwhelmed by the sudden surge of the 2 tenders, frowning most of the time. The scope is ever so confusing. And there is so much work piling up. Looking for a smart way to do it in the shortest time possible, intend to just cut corners by just knowing the gist but i cant. There r way too many details, cant summarise and categorise...urgh. This is on top of the agreement which has so much legal and charging stuff, which cd really made my day by offering to help me out with the section. I showed that i tried but the figures really dun tally. Cannot draft without this inaccuracy right? Tho i upfront think this is alr not my scope, im still grateful for the offer. I had n will usually mentioned it right at the start but if they refuse, i will give up souring r/s over this. So doesnt mean i dun say no. well, proven that u jus had to take it back as it is gg to take more time than expected to debug. N they offered cos they know im busy.
Was impatient at only talks, no actions. If u are jus giving consultancy services, which i obviously had no time to listen to, then id rather not sit thru, i still have to chk on my own, type on my own, might as well find a secluded place and do it quietly. Say equals to never say at all. Im asking for inputs not asking how to do it leh. Of cos i know need to chk la, which needs effort and time right. Duh.... Really test my patience. Somemore alr 10min late for another mtg. I vow that i wont be late for mtgs.
And then last wk, officially listed another one in my blacklist. He has been told, so dun blame me for ignoring. It is not the first time, totally had enuff. Jus ridiculous, it is obviously ur job and u push it away. That definitely means at the expense of someone else. And it has been validated. I thank those who come and tell me that i was too fierce, and i really wanted to apologise for my attitude, im not even in the wrong, but then he jus had to squeeze his way into my blacklist, and so it is granted. 4 now. It is either pple are getting more irritating or im getting less tolerant.
Im sick of pple's expectations. Or rather depends on how u impose. Raising the standard of pple has its effective ways to do it. If im supposed to know, u r supposed to know also wat. U can forget i cannot forget? Somemore the experts are also unsure themselves. Now i know why pple pay lip service, just to fan off all these expectations and unnecessary stress. Chk and get back very gd alr lor. Those pple who dun get back then i will niam. And another i loathe is really punctuality, lousy time mgmt la. Despicable, exactly the point of wasting 50 manhr on the same topic, will be worse if it is for political reasons. Disrespect. The coy is getting more n more political. How many tasks are for show? It used to be better. Horrible culture.
Doing what is right, shldnt it always supercede simple job. Who doesnt prefer simple work? Sometimes things are made more complex lor. Im surprised to find out that im not the only one who thinks so. Surprised cos tho im certain of my own stand, sometimes i also reflect and wonder and start to doubt myself, maybe im the one in the wrong but well.....i hate to complicate matters as jus want to get the tasks off the list, but really the devil is in the details, once u start to think abt them, there r more factors to consider, but it isnt right to keep mum also. They shld be tabled out. Im impressed by those who can crystalise and help me with better thinking n understanding of the matter , and those who confuse, what can i do other than avoid conversations? Not as if i dont have enuff things to mull over.
Sitting in the open space, was disturbed almost every 5 min. Fun loving pple and im sad that i din haf the time to crap longer, i jus want to finish that stack and go for dinner. They will prolly ignore me next time since i had no time for them. Sobz. For real, i sobz, not becos of this reason of cos. there is just too much, i cant even see anything in front of me except for the docs. Emails have snow balled for 2 mths, i dunno how many pple i owe. This is breaking down. I let myself to, that ball of air stuck at my throat, it is like constipated, want to but cant cry out. I forced myself to break down. I jus dun want to lose myself as exactly my advice to others. Be who u r when u first graduated, that attitude was right, trying ur best at everything non schemingly. But being outcome focus, Im relieving u of these tasks to get that one job done and earn ur name to it, sry to tell u sometimes trying ur best is nt enuff, u need to show results, like an athlete. Sry to stress but it is really doing ur major well, ur minors got to cover abit here n there. This is juggling. Dont let everything go to waste without results at the end, prolly after this, i will be done. It isnt being too results oriented, it is logical in a sense that u wont fail ur psle for the 6 yrs effort that has been put it. Yet u cant let this pressure affect ur performance. Haven we all learnt this back in school?
Worries n stress, some mentioned that im too affected by others' situation which are worse than mine, when they cant reach a solution. And i dont have solutions for them. Helpless. Some will hide it frm me, some will tell based on trust. Which are the situations when you deem tat u will betraying either side for either action u take. A pure dilemma. One way is to drop all negative thots, u will naturally attract positivity and really hope for the best, then will nv need to land into such dilemma. N these r the times, one will question : why am i not living a life i deem life ? In fact, u are alr living it. Oops is that being positive?
