Xmas 2014

The first word that you associate with Christmas is? For me it is joyous and peace. A well celebrated festival, it brings a different atmosphere where is laughter and the spirit of giving. How amazing the day has spread to reach out to this population on earth. As a chinese and a non christ believer, i still think this is the best period of the year. Lny is not anywhere near, but maybe we r in a place where we do not have 100% chinese. Shrugs. 

As usual, i receive more than i give. Pple are so kind to make the effort to buy then wrap and package it nicely, with customised msges and bringing it all the way to the office desk. It is really fun to see a pile a pile of gifts. Im guilty of not doing enuff, and indeed it is a choice. I have always wanted to, but i nv get down to doing it, even borrowed others' legs to go and buy. Volunteered wrapping tho mine usually turns out really cmi, so decided not to downgrade the gift n jus contributed $. What i need is the heart, perseverence, change in mindset, time and energy. Thats a lot to achieve. I cant even handle a handful, how do i manage so many? Failure. But i hope not for long.

I know my priority has changed, i have placed more focus on health, instead of ignoring and shrugging it off, thinking that i can still endure and it will go away soon. Some pple dont learn, some once bitten twice shy and some continue to bo chup. I think im the middle one. So i crossed the first hurdle in getting myself to the stupid polyclinic when i woke up on monday feeling 8 out of 10 pain, usually is abt  5-7. There is relative comparison, so i know when is the worry pt or worse breaking pt for myself. Coupled with vomitting, i hope i am only at the worry pt. the idea is not to take action when it is too late. Yes? Sounds like common sense but we dont do it, which i dont know why. Or maybe i do, cos i loathe the medical industry here. I jus know it, deep in my bones, i will jus be wasting time. I will jus feel pekcek during the process and disgusted at the end without a cure, in the end i have to manage it myself without help, so why would i subject myself to pekcekness knowing what's coming. 

Then i know i need to change my mindset. Take one step at a time. Im jus not gg to think a few steps ahead anymore. Oh im gg to digress here, cos reminds me of work, yes i know i know, jus let me finish this piece. Here i go. Thinking a few steps ahead may cause unnecessary stress. A sudden change in intent, not communicated "yet", lead to wasted effort. Ok now try to jus accept the wasted effort. The concerted effort is being disrupted, the risk of not meeting the timeline is apparent, more mtgs are required cos the previous one has not aligned everyone. Another idea come in, another direction, wrong instructions or requests has been given, resulting in the other team wasting effort too. Can the requests nt come frm us, else to them, we say one thing, another say another, then how many times do they need to keep working on the figures, and really, are all these necessary? It has come to a point that, a few pple get it sorted out before engaging the rest is the most appropriate strategy now. Shall jus direct the qns away, and not do anything at all. Yes, i feel like and for all those who had invested energy, time and brain juice, trying to make sense what is the everyone else talking abt, supporting the bosses as much as possible despite not agreeing but then kenna kick ard, working on this and that. Sigh it is horrible, when nobody leads, pple suffer, when everyone wants to lead , pple also suffer. What on earth?! Wasnt new found failure, alr known, so why not jus live with it. Actually we have lived and still living with it, it is good enuff. And back to that painful morning, i walked with the zen attitude to the polyclinic. No gps in neighbourhood private clinics are good, so might as well try new grounds, without any expectation....of the long queue. So trying not to reinforce my thinking that the place is beyond redemption, i maintain the zen attitude thruout, after the registration, it is the consultation queue and i saw there is another pharmacy queue and payment queue. Disregarding the last 2 away, i patiently waited for consultation. Arghhhh how to not complain. I could have defame her here, but i shant be so bad, she is within expectation anyway, not worse off at least, there is sarcasm here. Anyhow, i refuse to take useless medicine, went to book the physio session and to the self service payment kiosk which is so not working, and waited in line for counter payment, 2 in front of me, not so bad le. Im grateful to be outta there. If i were to make this decision of having the physio on the next day 2 years ago, i would have said no, knowing there r 2 mtgs that i had to attend, how to arrange with others so last min, there r many affected! But i was actually told to be  lucky as someone cancelled it, the next one is on 21 jan. Im glad to prioritise the physio now first.

Mum suggested to go tcm after bfast. So we went, did cupping, tolerable pain on the skin, and some bones cracking, was prescribed the uber bitter chinese medicine and was told to see him back on fri, if choose to. We decided to revisit on sunday instead. Temporal relief, pain is still there, not at 8 out of 10. Drop to prolly 5-6. Diagnosis:- Posture and nerves are affected thus causing pain.

The next day to the physiotherapist. Young, shuai and competent i would say, lets caveat it to be the first impression, jus one doc is not enuff to make me less sceptical of the medical practioners nowadays. He asked qns, he analysed aloud and explained to me. Sounds logical. Very knowledgeable chap and a pilates advocate. Later i googled that pilates is v much used for physiotherapy, so that gels. But he is stereotypical. From 3 main instances, he assumed i went uni, he asked if im a type A person, and he assumes i worry. But his i know his intent is to allay the worries, as most pain or body dysfunction arise from worries. That reminds of what i was told, manifestation of the mind, which i believe. I appreciate that from that angle. I also clarified that i dont worry, and my intent is to find out what causes the pain, which im eliminating causes other than stress. Then he taught me some poses to do everyday. Stiff spine and not affecting nerves as i dont find tingling feeling in arms, and the last rib isnt painful. The chest pain he mentioned is due to the section of the spine that is linked to the ribcage lacking movement, and he trained me to breathe in more deeply to exercise the entire rib cage. Then he also said sgporean mostly focus on cardio and not enuff on strengthening and flexibility. He advised that i change my lifestyle, i need to focus on working on the bod. So anyhow his 30min cost 120+ bucks, after subsidy is 40+. Okay.

Accompanied merv mum to floor tile and material selection for the room reno. I know she prefers us to do it with her, instead of leaving her to make the decision, tho she has her pref. i think she jus needs our involvement and interest which obivously merv isnt trying to make her less pekcek. Im glad that ours is dbss, cant imagine gg thru another session, so many to choose from, from colour to texture, to pattern and material...omg...i need my material engineering knowledge. Most look abt the same to me anyway, and all these r so subjective, depends on indiv pref. so tried to facilitate and give some views lor, cos no views also not good, if views dont match also dilemmic, most of them look ok to me, but if u ask me to choose, i anyhow point and when ask why, my definition of beauty lor. Sweat.

After that we had dinner and did up the last min xmas tree. Haha nobody is gg to be anal abt having gaps in the tree, tho it was joked, nobody gets to shifting it, which is good. I rmb once when a fren who keeps shifting what others hang on it, so perfectionist, if she wants she do herself lor. And then we watch this disturbing show call gone girl. It is detective show, but there is the scheming part in it, bad media influence. 

Ho ho ho, another dinner gathering today.

A strained xmas 2014 forecast based on recent conditions

The human body is designed to experience stress and react to it. Stress can be positive, keeping you alert and ready to avoid danger. Stress becomes negative when a person faces continuous challenges without relief or relaxation between challenges. As a result, the person becomes overworked, and stress-related tension builds.

Stress that continues without relief can lead to a condition called distress, a negative stress reaction. Distress can lead to physical symptoms including headaches, upset stomach, elevated blood pressure, chest pain and problems with sleeping. Research suggests that stress can also bring on or worsen certain symptoms or diseases.

Personally i have clocked 10 symptoms out of the list. Bad enough? Dont know, as the situation seems to be exacerbating, i should do smth to address or correct it before it all becomes too late? Now question is what shld i do? Considered a few courses of actions, now is deciding which path to take and what i hate is what hinders me from doing the things i want now and really there is no guarantee at the end of the decided course. So shld i still do it, i wont know if i dont try.

While i avoid complaining consciously, and hate to admit or reveal how weak i am, the situation has surpassed what i can hide from others. I will be asked why i flinch all of a sudden.

Cant exactly rmb when did i start, prolly 2-3 yrs? The shoulders started to keep experiencing pain, occasionally it will spread to the neck and causes headache, and there was a period when i consciously tried to stay away from panadols to avoid over reliance. Paased that stage. Then a phase of frequent colds, to a pt that pple pointed it out! I will be surprised as i was and supposed to be fit and healthy, as compared to sch mates, my physical abilities have given me the "glory" which din realise that i have been taking it for granted till now. I have suspected the cause to be stress from the readings and the consultations i went to, of cos, i dun have the patience to make regular visits to a particular one, as i was sceptical and rule them as jus being money faced. Seriously, why would it be of their interest to cure a patient, since they can earn more from returning visits, on top of the good reputation they have from spread of mouths. The medical practitioners mus have a true golden heart to cure patients fast. So tried from various tcms, to normal gps, to chiropractors etc, to complain abt stiff neck and shoulders and headaches mainly.

Recently has been a very strange phenomenon. Started to have chest pain, over 3 wks or so, it didnt get better. The boundary of the area where the pain is becomes more fuzzy, i cant pin point where it is, it jus grabs the chest, prolly shifted frm a focus point on the right towards the left, cant describe properly too. Amazingly, the chest pain is only there during the wkdays. Tried muscle relaxant prescribed by the doc, once i stop taking, the pain returns. Then during the wkends, the backpain is horrible, 24/7, and thruout the whole back. I used to be relieved to report to the docs that no, i do nt have pain on the upper back, mid back or lower back, jus shoulders and above. Now it is thruout the entire back and it is killing me. Massage and salon pas dont help anymore, chronic. Urghh, i becoem quite frustrated cos i had to endure it thru and pull myself out of bed. Any physical work cause it more pain and the innertia is very high to even get out of bed. Cant the pain jus go away? It is bothersome! Cant walk for long as well, need to sit down...shucks man, fear gripped me when i imagine the time i cant trek , either jus travelling overseas or climbing mountains. No no...it is my second fear after the first fear of becoming blind.

I reckon that these symptoms are due to stress, if it is anything else, i wouldnt know, but really i dont think so. Not hereditary, no medical history etc, so what i map out is the plan to eliminate stress. Instead of going into a panic attack, i shld analyse more logically. All action plans are within my control. Shldnt be lazy and get to doing something. Still contemplating the course of actions but prolly, let me get a full body chk up first, if everything's well, i jus need to work on managing the mind and emotions. 

To my close ones, i have it under control, so dont worry, as there is no pt in doing so. Worrying cause ur own health to deteriote and i will have no healthy soul to turn to when i need u. Taking care of urself well reduces my worry, and lets jus take care of ourselves well, before even extending the help to others k? It is the best gift u can give to a fren. There is nothing u can do, except to respond when i ask for it, so jus trust me in getting myself sorted out and repaired. Thanks alot already for sharing the experiences and the advices. Thats all i need.

What a note to do for christmas! Lets celebrate and embrace the joy of giving. Merry christmas to all!

Freed finally

Really sounds like in captive for a long time. Started from gown choosing and trial make up plus got to find ideas so that they can be communicated to the photographer, on the locations and the props that we will be bringing. No balloons for sure, too cliche, and it is commendable effort that i managed to diy dyeing my hair, get the mani and pedi done and avoid getting tanned, having pimples and mozzie bites. Finally freed and bo chup now, until when it is nearing march again prolly. 

Luckily i had enuff rest, after touching down at the airport at 1030pm the night before. Lucky no aches, lucky no rain too. Really appreciate the luck. Dread the day actually, but since it is all in the mind, lets start it right, 180 deg change, yay finally i can try being a model for a day! *trying hard to act enthu. Anyhow it is my dream to be able to try every single occupation, thus actually artiste are lucky. If i get to try, i prolly will know my work doesnt suck that much? We were late tho, and haven had bfast. Went to the studio first and gabby, the mua, was shocked at how fast i eat and change..i was like...normal speed leh, if i rush i can be even faster. Oops. Gosh i really pity the models. Hairdos, make-ups, pose here pose there, tilt chin, pull shoulders, stand straight and smileeeeezzzz. I also dun get why mus i keep pulling up my gown. Samuel, the photographer also say me chor lor a few times, and also say why i climb so fast. I look sad prolly, cos oops was i not demure again? N then he say, why? Im complimenting u! Then i ohhh, heng ah...climb the stairs...how long does it take? Not like i have to do slow mo ma...maybe cos i can handle the gown easily? Maybe other gals are more careful with the gowns? Shrugs. He ask me pull up more layers so many times then still ask did i go muscle training in the gym, obviously no, naturally toned arms...maybe frm npcc la, wat to do.

Studio was fun, i decided that it is the aircon. It is more fun than i expected, and im quite impressed by gabby who can do so many haristyles. N they have so many clip ons earrings! Tho some are really painful, i pull them off halfway and had to rub my sore lobes. N i didnt realise they din give me necklaces, until i show my aunt some pics thru wasapp...none leh...nvm la, i got nice neck and shoulders...pukes.

Samuel takes alot of solo pics i thot...why so many? I mus be disciplined, merv is prepared to buy another 20 more. Thats 2k+ leh...no wayyyy.....dun be a carrot head...no pt taking so many and keep in the album ma..,jus need a couple of nice ones to frame up n at least u look at it on the wall. He can do the girly poses better than me, shucks i really cant do them...too gay and it is super unnatural. Why do i have to act so girly ahh..

We da bao from the canteen and ate at the studio, therafter, we drove over to sam. Outdoor is v different, need to wait for pple to walk pass. 250 bucks for gabby to follow along is unnecessary actually..not much touch up required. Once? Then one hairdo for each of us tats all. Then samuel make her throw the dress train so that it looks like it is flying..i almost burst out luffing. 

Then to lorong halus, the toilet floor was wet, so we change outside, not exposed la, but i think still quite obsene haha...one nice lady congrats me when she walks out of the toilet, the bf or hubby jus smiled. Sociable. Then we go to the grass area. one kind cyclist still ask if i got put insect repellent cos i was wearing the short skirt, yea i did, but seriously no use. Samuel thot is fren, no leh stranger, kidn auntie. The mozzie bites i got there are more than in bali, they are obviously immune to the mozzie repellent alr...maybe go bali, use sg repellent, then in sg, shld use bali repellent. Mozzies are clever to develop the immunity.  actually we dun really like the bridge leh...he take so many over there, lets see the results when the photos are ready for selection. 

Yayyy change out of the short skirt and into casual wear...finally...and we dun want to go to the 3rd location, stayed there. Pose with my beloved bicycle...din have time to clean it...then samuel still go and carry, it is dirty lo..and merv brought his new soccer ball which still has the price tag on! Samuel found it at the end of the shoot..hahaha..gabby ask for secrets to maintain white skin even tho i go cycling often...i dun even put sunblock leh, i hope she doesnt find me selfish dun want to share..cos i really have none..except for being bochup. 630pm, pack up.....i was dropped off first so that the car boot cover is free from the bike and its mount. Then merv drop them back at midview city, bishan, before gg back to clementi. So siong...but so glad it is all over!!! Yayyyy!!!

Dec 14 hol getaway - ubud

“Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.” - The 14th Dalai Lama

How true.

Read that also to focus more properly, we can themed each day of the wk. like build rapport on tuesday, clear emails on thursday, jog and hike on saturday, not sure if disciplined enuff to do that. It is also quite scary to learn that the thots dont matter, it is the action that defines one. What if it doesnt portray one's true self. Or pple misinterpreted the actions or.... Shrugs. Another fact of life.

Third day of the dec hol, we had the time to slp in. Even with nothing to do, i find that there is not enough time, not rushing, but still get the feeling of time flies. As usual, got the bfast delivered to the room and had the tv played through the top 20 on the mtv chart. Read abit while waiting for the car at 12pm. The car cost us 350k (private car). Quite ex. Considering airport to seminyak is at 150k (taxi), while we were offered 400k(private car) from ubud back to the airport. In the end on day 5, we took a 6k per pax public bus from ubud to the airport. So much difference in cost! A lady used a scooter to drive us, one by one, a few blocks down the road to the bus stop. The bus didnt have the best air conditioning but it is a mini van, 1-2 hrs ride, enough comfort.

Ubud is very different from seminyak n im really amazed by how their houses/shops are built. Very packed along the road, one shop next to another without gaps, u walk in a door, it goes deep in. U cant see that the shop or restaurant is that big from the front door at all. 另有乾坤 aptly describes the town design. We arrived at umae villa, nice set up and it feels like shinrin yoku, which means forest bathing in japanese. Surrounded by lots of plants around the villa, would be better if the pool is elongated as it would be more practical, otherwise we are jus soaking or trying to move the muscles by threading water which isnt deep to begin with. Lots of insects tho too. cant do much at night as the lights are really too dim, unless read off an electronic device or really jus stare at the ceiling or watch a dvd.

We went for the bebek duck restaurant for lunch on day 3, not bad. Food is quite nice, and we sit at the low seats in a thatched roof hut. Like those low japanese dining tables. Then it rained, cant do much. Their roads are flooded, too narrow for the 2-way traffic too, lucky they cant go faster than 40 km, otherwise the splash will be head high instead of ankle high. Took a nap then come out for dinner again at a nearby cafe, pizza bagus. Ate aglio olio but too oily, the cinnamon tea is nice tho.

Day 4, woke up at 7am, for a tour to the local ubud market, not the tourist one. Im really amazed and impressed by the knowledge of the guide and also one of the australian lady in the group in the culinary area. They can recognise all the spice, vegetables and fruits picked up by the guide. He also explained the various ways of making the dishes. Jus on the word blanching, there are different ways of making it, it is jus soaking the vege in hot salt water for 20 sec, compared to dipping it in hot water then in cold water. The tumeric makes our hands yellow. It is informative, but cant rmb much when he couples the explanation with bahasa indonesian. 

Realised when u say terima kasih to someone, he can return with sama sama. Similar to the japanese's kochira koso. Oh ya we have a japanese lady in the tour, a columbian, 2 canadians and 4 aussies.

Then we were sent to the traditional bali home compound where more culture was explained. The home compound cannot be sold, if nobody else is staying there, it will e returned to the community, his community has 720 homes and one home compound ranges up to 70 pple each. His is 21, which he said considered small. Every home has a temple and it has to be built in the direction of the highest mt peak, all beds have to face the same direction as well. The temple is on higher grounds than the rest of the homes, and there are many huts/buildings within the compound, the one closest to the temple will be where the eldest will stay and where household meetings are held. They buried the placentas in front of this building and made offerings to them as well, so you can see how many boys and gals the home has easily. there is a ceremonial building in the east where they hold funerals, weddings, teeth filing etc. the kitchen and toilets are further in, away from the entrance. We had pisang goreng (they say it the other way round) and ginger tea before we start the cooking class. 

The cooking class is quite siong. The most impressive part is the preparation of the 5 courses, timed and organised, so that u get the all the dishes hot at the end! Amazing. The rice is most imba. One and a half hr! As compared to the 20min by the rice cooker. They dont use food blenders or processors as well, so all grinded, chopped, sliced, diced etc. chicken curry taste the best and the dessert is my fav kueh dadar. They call it dadar guling i think. So quite tiring to stand for abt 2 hours? N we finally taste the food we make, they mix all the 10 pple 's product, will be better if i can jus retrieve mine. Ended at abt 3 pm.

Went back to the villa before gg for 2 hr massage and scrub and body mask at 6pm, 340k. Really not good, din give a good feedback, the technique prob and no aircon! So kenna bitten by mozzies, another pt deducted. The scrub and mask was u comfy, felt too exposed while she is applying it, and i keep fidgeting when she left me there, either to scratch the mozzie bitten wound or to move the towel away frm my eyes.cant stay still. Then after really tickled me and couldnt stop luffing, where got pple bathe halfway, exposed then still talk abt the flower bath and tea put on the edge of the bathtub leh! Super farnie...it is like can let me finish showering first, dun have enuff limbs to cover myself lo...and lucky she passes the yoghurt to let me apply on my own, damn scary actually. Sighz..went for dinner till 10pm.

Last day, sad that hol is ending. Went to ubud market, saw a ceremony preparation for one tmr, and too many stalls selling the same things. As i loathe bargaining, it really isnt fun for me at all....treked back abt 2km to the villa, before boarding the bus to the airport.

Dec 14 hol getaway - seminyak

The first 2 days at seminyak, kuta.

Strange thots and feelings. Actually feared. That prolly i will be leaving this world. Weird. The vast blue sky littered with clouds, i used to love it, would be able to admire it everytime if my ambition as a pilot is fulfilled. But yesterday, fear gripped me. Unknown fear. Dunno scared of what. I shrugged it off. Was slpy, but cant slp, as usual, cant slp in the day.

150k IDR cab from the airport, denpasar to clio. Abt 20-30min ride. The traffic isnt great. The apartment is nice. We went for lunch after chking in.

I ate lontong, rich in coconut tho. An imba drink, mix of beetroot, ginger, apples and orange. Not too bad after getting used to it. Then we walked down the road, to the beach. The roads are horribly polluted, the air and all the honking. The beach is nice, the waves are superb, they came crashing down onto the sand. Went back for an hr's rest before gg to bistrot for dinner. Nice ambience. Chicken breast stuffed with spinach and macha frappe. When we walked back, the roads are very poorly lit. The alleys are real dark.

Had full 9 hrs slp..shiok shiok. Bfast is delivered to the room as they do not have dining hall. Then went out for mani pedi. Their pricing scheme is abit weird. 400k for normal, one after another, while it is 360k for an hr for twin therapist, half the time. The latter shld be more ex ma. Good for me then. First time experience, and both come with wax paraffin, quite entertained by watching 2 of them and tada, outcome achieved.

Next to lunch at bk. we walked quite a bit..avoided the main roads alr, not keen of the pollution. The small roads and alleys are really nice to stroll. Walked along the beach too, enjoying the melodious sound of the waves. Abit scared to be tanned tho. First time so gay scared of the tan, cos of the photoshoot, but ive backup plan at the back of my mind la, photoshop lor. Lots of offerings along the pavement.

After a long walk, went to black canyon coffee for coffee break.

Nex to 2 hr massage and facial at espace. Super taitai ish today. The latter was good, the head and face massage somehow cleared the qi which seemed to be stuck in the head. It rained, heavily. We waited for a while and finally the rain got lighter. We dashed across the road to Bo and Bun. It doesnt get its great reviews for no reasons. Superb taste indeed. I got pad thai. The rain became heavier, we got stranded and stuck at the restaurant. Then the lights went out. No trips. It jus blackout! What wow me was that the owner apologised for it and told all the customers not to worry abt the bill, it is on the house. The table next to us actually asked for the "refund" as they had alr paid. Roll eyes. Pay alr jus pay la. After that we insisted on paying, not their fault that the lights went out. Positively surprising service, they insisted that it is free and said that it hadnt rained so heavily in 6 mths. We decided to borrow the umbrella for a 5-10 min walk back to the room, where we will then use our umbrella to return theirs later. They actually asked us not to bother, can always return tmr, tho they may not be opened tmr if the electricity isnt coming back on by then. Anyway really impressed by the people.