As usual, i receive more than i give. Pple are so kind to make the effort to buy then wrap and package it nicely, with customised msges and bringing it all the way to the office desk. It is really fun to see a pile a pile of gifts. Im guilty of not doing enuff, and indeed it is a choice. I have always wanted to, but i nv get down to doing it, even borrowed others' legs to go and buy. Volunteered wrapping tho mine usually turns out really cmi, so decided not to downgrade the gift n jus contributed $. What i need is the heart, perseverence, change in mindset, time and energy. Thats a lot to achieve. I cant even handle a handful, how do i manage so many? Failure. But i hope not for long.
I know my priority has changed, i have placed more focus on health, instead of ignoring and shrugging it off, thinking that i can still endure and it will go away soon. Some pple dont learn, some once bitten twice shy and some continue to bo chup. I think im the middle one. So i crossed the first hurdle in getting myself to the stupid polyclinic when i woke up on monday feeling 8 out of 10 pain, usually is abt 5-7. There is relative comparison, so i know when is the worry pt or worse breaking pt for myself. Coupled with vomitting, i hope i am only at the worry pt. the idea is not to take action when it is too late. Yes? Sounds like common sense but we dont do it, which i dont know why. Or maybe i do, cos i loathe the medical industry here. I jus know it, deep in my bones, i will jus be wasting time. I will jus feel pekcek during the process and disgusted at the end without a cure, in the end i have to manage it myself without help, so why would i subject myself to pekcekness knowing what's coming.
Then i know i need to change my mindset. Take one step at a time. Im jus not gg to think a few steps ahead anymore. Oh im gg to digress here, cos reminds me of work, yes i know i know, jus let me finish this piece. Here i go. Thinking a few steps ahead may cause unnecessary stress. A sudden change in intent, not communicated "yet", lead to wasted effort. Ok now try to jus accept the wasted effort. The concerted effort is being disrupted, the risk of not meeting the timeline is apparent, more mtgs are required cos the previous one has not aligned everyone. Another idea come in, another direction, wrong instructions or requests has been given, resulting in the other team wasting effort too. Can the requests nt come frm us, else to them, we say one thing, another say another, then how many times do they need to keep working on the figures, and really, are all these necessary? It has come to a point that, a few pple get it sorted out before engaging the rest is the most appropriate strategy now. Shall jus direct the qns away, and not do anything at all. Yes, i feel like and for all those who had invested energy, time and brain juice, trying to make sense what is the everyone else talking abt, supporting the bosses as much as possible despite not agreeing but then kenna kick ard, working on this and that. Sigh it is horrible, when nobody leads, pple suffer, when everyone wants to lead , pple also suffer. What on earth?! Wasnt new found failure, alr known, so why not jus live with it. Actually we have lived and still living with it, it is good enuff. And back to that painful morning, i walked with the zen attitude to the polyclinic. No gps in neighbourhood private clinics are good, so might as well try new grounds, without any expectation....of the long queue. So trying not to reinforce my thinking that the place is beyond redemption, i maintain the zen attitude thruout, after the registration, it is the consultation queue and i saw there is another pharmacy queue and payment queue. Disregarding the last 2 away, i patiently waited for consultation. Arghhhh how to not complain. I could have defame her here, but i shant be so bad, she is within expectation anyway, not worse off at least, there is sarcasm here. Anyhow, i refuse to take useless medicine, went to book the physio session and to the self service payment kiosk which is so not working, and waited in line for counter payment, 2 in front of me, not so bad le. Im grateful to be outta there. If i were to make this decision of having the physio on the next day 2 years ago, i would have said no, knowing there r 2 mtgs that i had to attend, how to arrange with others so last min, there r many affected! But i was actually told to be lucky as someone cancelled it, the next one is on 21 jan. Im glad to prioritise the physio now first.
Mum suggested to go tcm after bfast. So we went, did cupping, tolerable pain on the skin, and some bones cracking, was prescribed the uber bitter chinese medicine and was told to see him back on fri, if choose to. We decided to revisit on sunday instead. Temporal relief, pain is still there, not at 8 out of 10. Drop to prolly 5-6. Diagnosis:- Posture and nerves are affected thus causing pain.
The next day to the physiotherapist. Young, shuai and competent i would say, lets caveat it to be the first impression, jus one doc is not enuff to make me less sceptical of the medical practioners nowadays. He asked qns, he analysed aloud and explained to me. Sounds logical. Very knowledgeable chap and a pilates advocate. Later i googled that pilates is v much used for physiotherapy, so that gels. But he is stereotypical. From 3 main instances, he assumed i went uni, he asked if im a type A person, and he assumes i worry. But his i know his intent is to allay the worries, as most pain or body dysfunction arise from worries. That reminds of what i was told, manifestation of the mind, which i believe. I appreciate that from that angle. I also clarified that i dont worry, and my intent is to find out what causes the pain, which im eliminating causes other than stress. Then he taught me some poses to do everyday. Stiff spine and not affecting nerves as i dont find tingling feeling in arms, and the last rib isnt painful. The chest pain he mentioned is due to the section of the spine that is linked to the ribcage lacking movement, and he trained me to breathe in more deeply to exercise the entire rib cage. Then he also said sgporean mostly focus on cardio and not enuff on strengthening and flexibility. He advised that i change my lifestyle, i need to focus on working on the bod. So anyhow his 30min cost 120+ bucks, after subsidy is 40+. Okay.
Accompanied merv mum to floor tile and material selection for the room reno. I know she prefers us to do it with her, instead of leaving her to make the decision, tho she has her pref. i think she jus needs our involvement and interest which obivously merv isnt trying to make her less pekcek. Im glad that ours is dbss, cant imagine gg thru another session, so many to choose from, from colour to texture, to pattern and material...omg...i need my material engineering knowledge. Most look abt the same to me anyway, and all these r so subjective, depends on indiv pref. so tried to facilitate and give some views lor, cos no views also not good, if views dont match also dilemmic, most of them look ok to me, but if u ask me to choose, i anyhow point and when ask why, my definition of beauty lor. Sweat.
After that we had dinner and did up the last min xmas tree. Haha nobody is gg to be anal abt having gaps in the tree, tho it was joked, nobody gets to shifting it, which is good. I rmb once when a fren who keeps shifting what others hang on it, so perfectionist, if she wants she do herself lor. And then we watch this disturbing show call gone girl. It is detective show, but there is the scheming part in it, bad media influence.
Ho ho ho, another dinner gathering today.
