Whatever will be, will be.
人生最大破产是绝望. This has been stuck with me as the truth in it scares me. It really means nothing once one loses hope, it is your own attitude and your choice of actions. Others cant help much other than giving some external push with encouragement.
Im relieved at times that im consciously pushing myself to be more sociable instead of isolating myself with a sedentary lifestyle which is so default, so easily geared towards, so comfortable for myself to shy away from others without any need to hide the facial expression frm the pain, the weakness to keep resting and the frustration that arises occasionally n inevitably. think im quite good at managing it so far alr. The painkillers which do not provide any cure except to block the receptors are superb, ironically unfortunately. It is such a heavenly feeling to be free of pain. Yes im in control still, not like any slight pain will rely on the pills. Have been trained to 吃苦 n also which i believe all should be trained...cannot be strawberries la. But yea, it is such a big difference. Glad that i tried gg to yoga, tho it is obviously too siong for me..cmi...haha..sorry that ive to fly my fren aeroplane. Went to badminton which i really enjoyed, it is more skills honing more than exercising i think, but with the pain, i feel like ive run a 50km marathon...gosh...aching all over despite playing doubles almost the entire 1.5hr with some rest in betw as the empire. I used to complain and support playing singles else like not running and exercising at all, but not any more. I shall stay with doubles for now...damnnn weak sia. I think i better ask for a trial for aikido in feb...scarly i cant take it. Could have endured and pushed myself further if there is no pain...wish for that time to return soon honestly, missed it.
Got the xray report, mild scoliosis. That explains why muscle relaxants dont work completely. Joint pain from the section where the spine bends. It doesnt look v mild to me but i reckon that if classified as severe then it is real severe and prolly visible from the outside. The hunchback. Ouch. I hope i wont be a hunchback, even when im old in future.
Still think that it isnt v busy la with the wedding prep...not that i din help out, but i think manageable, not like stressed over it. Settled wedding invitation cards, sent for printing. Commenting on the artwork is like wat i do at work, so not something new. Food tasting was simple too, except for the fact that even that table of 9 have different opinions, so subjective, but they are all so courteous, not like insisting that their comments be addressed. So i tried to facilitate and summarised to the chef, like less sweet and we change a couple of dishes. I sound like super layman so that i wont appear to be critising the poor chef so much and he kindly accommodates us. He is the expert leh, like nt very nice to hiam this hiam that, i jus regret not praising the dishes that are nice...like i jus say oh this is nice, ok, no comments. Should have said wa this one super yummy then can make him happy...but my bros say ok la nvm one...
Next was the disastrous pre wedding shoots selection. The sales person totally ignored me after i revealed how photos are not worth to spend so much on. For obvious reasons like taking up space in the house where pple jus chuck one side and nv take another look at it. Where got pple so cai tao one...well we jus see value in different things. We did discuss before and obviously after action review on why wasnt it executed as planned? My frens jus had to rub salt into my wound by praising how sweet merv is as he cant bear to watch me discard my own photos away and that the photos are rare since i seldom doll up?! I shall jus take it as they are trying to help cool me down and do not really mean what they say. Shrugs. Of cos not worth to brew disharmony over money. But still...sensible pple like my dad wanna give him a earful so that he knows how much money he needs to raise kids...tho thats a bit farfetch la. I was only jus looking at furniture and maybe travelling. Dad isnt v supportive in spending on travelling too. So well... Now i keep niaming 4588 if he gets into the 奢侈 kia mode. Better 铭记在心.
Unable to strike a balance betw monarchy and complete democracy recently. A few times alr, maybe 3 and thats usually the number of times where i wont give chance anymore, like it proves that it isnt a once off event but a trend unless the root is meddled with. Other than stomaching it, what else can i do? could be over confidence? But I dont hide any displeasure, i pointed it explicitly so has caused enough guilt. Yet it happened again. Even stick out my neck to repeat what i was told instead of checking it thoroughly. I mean obviously, if i need to do it, i might as well do it myself right from the start, i had to go thru the exact steps again, total rework. Have advised to check more than one source, use logic to assess what one is told, questions and explore all alternatives, until the ans cant go too wrong. It isnt easy of cos, esp when one doesnt know the subject. When uncertain, got to take more steps than jus theories and verbal discussions, like need supporting document and an experiment, obviously time consuming, so when to do it, got to judge the downstream impact and also if it is worth doing. Had also advised that one need to sit down and think thru, visualise everything from the beginning till the end, how would u have carried it out? Like when u plan the night's work, u need to imagine the test steps, what are required to be coordinated, then u anticipating what are the possible results, thus the contigency plan. Actually v systematic, not difficult but u really need to think through. Prolly i jus invest more time, be more hardworking and check the work lor. Some pple do not see anything wrong if it is wrong the first time, the steps taken to prevent mistakes are not in place, they think they can jus add on later as corrigendum or addendum. Thats a mismatch in attitude alr isnt it. Im looking at try ur very best to get it right the first time, so no nid to waste time to do additional later, am i too perfectionist? But isnt this how pple trust u? If u patch it up later, the impression given to others is u are not a v credible person. I thot u said....sighzz
Cham if one doesnt plan and doesnt execute as planned. Still cant devise a plan after a few days and nights. The con of jack of all traits but a master of none. The model of working needs some modification, how can i do it? Since there is no solution, lets observe more till the light bulb appears.
