Musings of a valid complaint queen

With back ups. And second, third, fourth, fifth etc opinions. 

Actually i dont understand why pple have to ask me instead of asking back the boss? Cos im supposed to bridge? Cos they are confused. So why cant the boss guide properly. The staff dont follow but dont clarify cos the boss is talking in circles, not targeting the issue but digress and result in no conclusion from the meetings. Really something wrong with the bosses ya? Sometimes i dont understand how did they get up there or have they replaced their old skills with new skills. Pls. Even if i can climb up he ladder, i do not want to be categorised like tat. The gap can be this big? There shldnt be a case where middle mgmt is always required. Why cant all be in a team or at least act to be like one? Gosh. Simple things can be complicated by pple. What are the brains thinking ? Cannot grasp issues at all. Not answering. What was the question, do u even know? Gosh. Talk to the hand next time. 

It is really impt to form the right team. With the right minded pple. In the sense that pple can complement one another and not confuse one another. The same sdm, everyone else qn mark on why the comment was made. And nobody bothers to question. And i understand why. There r too many of such comments, if qn every one, no lunch time already. So jus let them pass. We take it offline. So obviously who are in the team and who are not right? So those moments are really wasting time. It is.  Admit that it is wasting time. Not converging at all. Not productive. And if pple choose to follow, it is a deliberate choice after agreeing to disagree. Do not force pple to agree. And there is no such thing as no choice. Jus accept that pple are following ur decision. What is wrong with that? Be confident and firm of ur own decision. Accept differences among pple. Pple disagree, some voice out some dont. Doesnt mean those who dont voice out agree with u pls. Unbelievable leh. Isnt this common sense. Stumbling block and obstacle. Far from enabling. Seriously. Already v patient but the patience is kept being tested as minutes or hours passed. Really lesson learnt. Let it pass. Solve problems on ur own or spend time discussing with ur real team mates. It is faster. 

Maybe if pple stop coming to me, my concept will also not be reinforced. But exactly why they come to ask is becos the discussion din give them enuff guidance la. Wat on earth is he talking abt? One got to teach how to fish and not give the person a fish. Ask them do this do that. Can u jus explain the why and let them figure out which path to take to rome. I especially loathe pple ask me do this do that. Dotz leh. I have a mind of my own. Dont need to treat me like a puppet. So proven. Why this method doesnt work. Pple ask me why mus i do this? I was like wasnt it explained? How would i know. I was not the one who said that. puppets vs real thinkers and independent pilots, lets see which team will fly further. Can the former even crawl? Not to mention fly. Enuff is enuff man. Inner peace. Always there until....

It is already mid march

It is sunday again. I changed the bedsheets. After gg to sg to have bfast with mum and bro. Me and bro caught up with dad as well. Then i send bro to the arcade. I really wont go there all the way to change money. He is getting some for maldives. 

Then i went home. Happy with the new sheets. And wanted to go cycling and explore the neighbourhood which ive said umpteen times, then to west coast for dinner. And it jus have to rain. I think this is like the third or fourth in the west. Every time i plan to cycle, it jus have to rain. Wat on earth. 

Finally m is coming back tmr. One wk of absence alr, nobody to play with at home. But it will jus be a glance before im leaving for hk. Sighz. 

So it really reminds me of pgp. The yellowish hue of the street lights on the quiet road. The silence of the night. The absence of human around. It is as if Im the only one in the world left. Shrugs. Solitude. I kinda like it. I prefer this to pgp. Tats the feeling of home. Not jus a hostel. 

And instead of grabbing toiletries to a common bath, i have the luxury of a private bathroom, with nice warm water, with comfort. 

Oh yes. I realise some pple are wired to care for others. It is like their nature. Automatically look out and care for others. I dont have that instinct. Not fast enuff. Feel cared for, but also feel like i fail at this basics. 

Im looking forward to the hk trip. My first retreat after a blackout of 3 years? The last was malacca, skipped bangkok, penang and vietnam, may not be in this order. I cant recall. And looking forward to longi's wedding in sg and in indon that follows afterwards. Let me try living others' lives. 

Tampopo and arteastique + morganfield

'

Thanks to my dear colleagues who volunteered to give me an orchard road tour. Yes i cant get the building names into my head, not to mention the shops or stores within the building. So they explained the orientation to me, even tho yes yes i know it is jus one straight road. But really i thot champ elysees and times square were easier. With good tour guides, eh? It is kinda easy.  Tho i kinda give up on the hotels, i think i will only rmb goodwood and pan pac orchard. 

So tampopo is at taka basement, above soso standard prolly, not uber fantastic. Arteastique at mandarin gallery, nice place to chill really, tho we were all staring at our devices playing "psyched". Tats my pomelo tea. The cookies that come along are spicy! Yummilicious.

Hmm i do not have separation anxiety but still lack of playmate. It will be 2 wks not one. And haha plle are reminding me of my own wedding anniv, so weird right, like i din even notice. Oops. I will self entertain lor, since m's itinerary is rather packed and the time difference isnt of much help. 

And yes i finally made it to uniclique's gathering, so tough for a common slot.. I have to commute here and there and thank goodness for the car, but i guess it has worked too much today. So thats morganfield at suntec, one for one is so worth it. Meaty place tho, i shld be detox-ing.

My colleague also taught me smth on fri. Im really quick. Quick tempered. I opened the door. 

"Hey, why did u do that?, anyhow shoot me like tat?" 

" huh? What thing?". 

"Nvm nvm i talk to u later."

I was pissed alr. I haven even defended myself and i got cut off. I didnt insist to talk now instead of later, cos actually no choice, cos he was in the midst of the convo with another. Actually this is a lucky thing. I told myself, no lets not give the the ans, lets find out wats wrong. 

U know sometimes i use "lets", it is as if im really talking to my inner voice. Spooky right.

So i went to read the text again. I keep telling myself, maybe it was the text that caused the misunderstanding. See? I know it is a misunderstanding. And i know i could be the cause. Yet, i was angry. Angry at being maligned. Wat on earth? What did i do? Nothing.

So i zoom in damn big and asked " so which word says that im shooting u ." The bad thing is, my tone still possesses anger. The emotions cant keep up with my reasoning. It remains at its initial state. I know if it were m, he doesnt care abt being maligned. It is like watever u think lor. Why cant i be abit more like tat. So er er...yes really mis read, misinterprete, misunderstanding. When he said goodbye, i jus said bye, not the usual cheerful tone, and yet he apologised. Jus before he stepped out, he said softly, sorry that i mis read. And his face was quite erm, black (not like angry type) or awkward i dunno. I feel bad. It is like it isnt his fault and yet he has the courage to say sorry. Not new, he always stood up for a mistake, even in front of everyone in a meeting. " sorry , it is our oversight, will not do it again." It is like awwwww, we wont blame u. It calms all nerves. Brave and kind. And he says it so calmly, and slowly, making sure all words are heard, not like quickly let it pass with slurred speech. Amicable leh. I want to learn this. 

Do i need to be angry so quickly, even tho ive analysed and understood that it is a misunderstanding and i could even be the cause of this whole episode, why did i even get angry? I really wish that my anger emo figure doesnt take over the console so quickly and making me lose control. It is really bad. Cant control emotions. It is really tough to stop right at that moment. I need to be even quicker to take control. Malign malign lor. Say it calmly, if pple dun want to explain and make things clear so be it. I shld jus pace myself. It is a skill of self psycho, self control. So tough. And yes later he also did explain his stress from house reno and wedding. See everyone has different reasons, i really shld be slower.

Life is so hard, not jus becos of these. I also complained abt mtg everyone and being present in the limited time. When i rush, yes i get frustrated. Why is there so much to do? Yes i gotta pace myself. See if im so free, nothing to do, i wish i have more to do to fill up my lobo time right. Else it will be so boring. Actually im quite sure i can do it, ive definitely changed my views and attitude while driving on the road. More controlled, even if there is waiting and horrible drivers out there. Jus ignore them. Dont need to feel angry. Shrugs. They dont even know even if u r angry. And really even if it is for sarcasm, jus say sorry. They prolly wont feel bad, but im sure everyone is glad that the metal sheets did not kiss.

First of Mar 2016. 2303hrs