Made it to friday!

First few cycling trips in the west

Lakeside. Checked. 

Xiaoguilin and Bukit timah. Checked. 

One north and u town. Checked. 

The duration wont be accurate cos sometimes forgot to pause the workout and once forgot to resume the workout. 

Thanks to fun companions for enjoyable early morning cycling trips. 

The slopes are too much for old pple like me. Even with gear. 

A random day to refresh

A day off. 

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-24264/minimalism-is-the-secret-to-getting-sht-done-heres-why.html

The article on decisions speaks the truth. So i took this day off. A tuesday. Random.  Tho i prefer monday off, i have too many mtgs. Ya i can jus skip for sure. Nothing will be missed. I wont be missed. Shrugs. Jus minimising inconvenience either to myself later or to others. I dunno. This approach may be wrong. Actually i think im much better than others alr. Talking abt letting go, i can do so quite easily. Everyone can cover one another, really nobody is indispensable. 

I washed the bedsheet the moment i woke up. U know why? If i dun do it the first thing in the morning, i will nv do it. Then i keep and fold the clothes, sweep the floor, make my lemon juice and chicken patty for bfast. Closed 2 out of 4 work items. Work is essential. To keep me sane. I jus need to make sure im not controlled by it that i become insane. Picked up a few calls. Im more willing to for unknown landlines when im freer. 

Then i ate cornetto mini and banana for lunch and went hdb branch to settle some admin stuff. To west coast plaza toast box now for lunch and chill with my kopi c siew dai. 

The article says minimalism. I still have to do list. Given my style, i jus need to space things out so i can chill in betw activities. Deliberately creates waiting time. So next is to get a body massage. Then when i get home, i needa iron skme clothes so that m doesnt need to wear jeans. Altho i seriously think he shld iron some himself even after burning my poor maroon shirt. M doesnt quit messing places up. Say thousand times lehhhh. Sigh.

Then ya i have a few blogs in my draft. Particularly travel ones. And ive procrastinated at least 3 wks? Oh ya need to make dinner too. The day passes so quickly. Time waits for no one. Sobz. 

Turning a sad stage into an angry one

I shld be a sanguine right. But this has been on my mind since 4pm. Urgh. It is not the situation itself. Not cos of the relevant pple or happenings entirely, or maybe it is cos of the pple or rather person. Shrugs. He did it unknowingly. So even more sad right? While i thot im the more insensitive one but right i will understand immediately if it is explained or mentioned. His is still cannot get it even after explanation. Explicitly. 

So yes since 2 yrs ago, im like dreading my work. I tried to complete what i started. Im surprised that i still appear to have the drive. Appear. Im an open book, im quite sure i show everything on my face. Even my dear teammates noticed the change alr. Oh no. Am i really stepping into the path of no return? Totally destroyed. The drive. 

Everything seems meaningless. I know i wont have a sense of achievement of this "used to be glorious and fun and full of learning opportunities" project. We need to handle the infra team and the main con and then the system owners and the direct contractors. The picture was clear in my head. We r the glue. Every one Is doing a good job, it will be better if we glue all these good jobs together. And fill in the holes we happen to identify along the way. The mission was clear. The plan was to share with each other the status. And then it got intercepted by our own pple leh, once in awhile and we had to do it. Unwillingly. M says the solution is to quit. Actually i quitted right, i quit in my mind alr. Tho occassionally i still try to put it back on track cos im wired to do so. It is a struggle. A torture. I teared as i write this. Why did we hve to come down this path? Why is it that there is no choice. I feel that my power, my drive, my passion is taken away. I dun nid to do anything. And u know wat i hate, but im still required to be responsible overall. So it is my mission, i carried it thru. Im a salaried employee. Im a soldier. I can carry the mission. But i cant and will not carry out mindless orders. Wat is to be responsible? Not that i want to control but i felt that i shld know enuff to plan and move the whole troupe. Why am i not being supoorted in this mission. Why is my life made so horrible. I couldnt comprehend. I dont even want to know and be in control if i dont need to be responsible.  I really hate the way it is run. Really. And i dont have the drive to make things better alr. There is no pt. cos every time we were told no choice. We had to do in a certain way. Seriously. Im damn sad. We r not even controlling the outcome of the first prt, infra team and the main con. And now the other system owners and direct contractors beocme victimised. I really think it is throwing the face of cag officers. Top company produces this kind of employees? With such work standard. Sigh. Im ashamed to be associated with this. 

I really. Will have wasted these 5 yrs working on a proj i know i wont be proud of at the end. Wats there to be proud of. I dont feel achieved. A typical eg of the outcome doesnt matter, it is the process that counts. And there r jus too many wounds in the process which are not recoverable. They remained as deep scars. 

How can pple not help each other if we understand the outcome. Why r pple out to make things difficult for others. Sobz. 

Even tho im grateful to have a handful of us who share the same thots, im still perturbed to be in this situation. I am not even doing my job of keeping it on track im jus letting it veer off. Way off. How??? Terrible life leh. I also will blame it upon myself cos there is no such thing as no choice, im not taking charge. Actually i dont know to. Dear coach, this is the time i need u. I need to hear ur advice. I regreted not quitting totally, like jus leave for another division. It was a poor decision. Devastated. 

Dear a told me i can change the culture of the new team, it is not an easy feat but it is exactly what i wanted to do right. Ive managed to spread to this current team so now it will be the next. I feel happy. To be influencing others the good way. The beneficial way which will help them in their job. The right. Not the crooked way. The proactive way. Not the passive way. To have Grit, empathy, curiosity and collaborative tendencies. I hope they spread. Together we will build the culture.  They encouraged me to spread the right ideals. I have always been doing it happily but i jus had to deal with obstacles along my way. Im really sad to leave my dear teammates but im happy to leave my biggest obstacle. I hope asap. But meanwhile i need to deal with the way this project is handled. Old man has poor pm skills (like at least 3 pple said that alr), why are we stepping into the trap and play along ah. I dun get it. Ridiculous la. 

Poor k, he is really victimised. His baby and wife too. So inconsiderate these pple. I hope they have karma. So many ways to run the proj. K is prolly the only one i will sacrifice to help. He is doing his best. And he is so zen and still can joke. No wonder he is my idol. I forgot abt him being my idol. A good eg for certain traits. I swear that i will help u. I will. The others ah want me to help willingly wait long long. This is wat i call true and real respect. I will support u all the way. As long as i dont have irritating obstacles. 

Obstacle is really getting worse. Is it lack of slp or stress or dunno wat shit. The understanding is horrendous. Different language different freq. dear coach, How? The cauldron keeps heating up. And im in it. 

I learnt new things in calib today. Valid qns. I noted how others answer. Convincingly. Answers that do not prompt how so. Answers that leads to orh. Oh i see. Some v good ans today in fact tho yea not easy to ans still cos yes thats the job, thats fm. Pple are using scale and complexity, n this is nt good enuff. Really pekcek if pple are not answering questions. I shld learn to answer beautifully. 

I hate where and who i am now. Not in life. Jus at work. Bracing myself up, i shall let go. I dont need to make things right. I will not take pride in this proj. I will focus on my well being and my relationship with pple. I will heck care this proj. It will be my new mission. Im not interested in this role which ive struggled over the years, which had turn me into a more impatient and unfriendly brat. I had enuff of this obstacle and devil. Thats it. The new role starts now. Even if pple poke me, i will keep quiet. I had better things to do. Since u r not gg to support me, im not playing my role with responsibility. U want u can blame me for every failure later. Go ahead. I show u what is real defiant. Turning my sadness into anger, u caused it. 

Specially for A and I

For A and I. 

Everyone shld be calm on the inside. They r on the outside. They can handle such discrepancy betw the inner self and outer self. I cant. Loll im really an open door. So it is a good skill to be able to conceal whenever u want to. But their insides are prolly having bigger waves than what we can see from the naked eyes. Dealing with these 2 increase my sensitivity towards pple. Both are phlegmatics. So thanks for training me to sense. And im the confrontational type. I will verify my second guessing or assumption and thanks them for always opening up and telling me honestly. Sincere comms make things easier. However. Both have fears. Which lead them to uncertainty and then fickle mindedness. Hmm. So ya always i try to allay their fears. Nothing to fear. Embrace the future and look forward to a brighter one. Unknowns are exciting. And deals with whatever comes ur way. It is a mindset, an attitude, a choice to face it. The future. Isnt it?

Qing ming at cck columbarium

It rained. Again. I drove.

Longi din come, cos xy say cannot. But last yr after my wedding i also attend. Shrugs.

It has been 12 yrs and 7 yrs respective to our dear gramps. I hope both pf them have reincarnated into good families. I always wonder, what if they have alr, then why are we still burning joss papers?

Tho er yi isnt here cos hers was sea burial. I always wish the same for her, be freed of suffering. Live with happiness. And us living ones shld too. Thanks for watching over us, as always.

Visit to tpy

This is how gay. Colleagues meet on wkend. Not as if we haven seen each other enuff. Yes we went to eat the famous tpy rojak. 

And then we went ai lin's place to chill and luff over hk photos. Thanks ilean for hosting us.

Wedding in jakarta, indonesia

27 mar 2016. 

See how we squeeze into the car. The ladies sat on the guys laps. Imba. Papa sat in front, luggages behind. And we got the taste of jakarta jam from the airport to the lunch place.

Jakarta wasnt a super fun place to visit. Good cheap food and massages thats all prolly. I did body massage, cream bath and facial horrible manicure. 

We were really v glad. Jus like 20 yrs ago, the 5 of us travelled, tho this time with 2 additions to the family. Thanks pup and miqi for accommodating. Prolly not easy for them. But we are really touched with tears to be able travel again.

The joke of the trip- my atrocious manicure, i had remove them before the wedding. I cant bear to show anyone. And to the point that i had to tell the manicurist to stop, not do the other hand anymore. I think she gets it, im sorry, usually i will aiya nvm let her do la, dun hurt her feelings, but sorry, this standard i really cant. We always luff when we look at the photo of the ugly nail art. Seriously. I dun really use the word ugly u know. So when i say ugly, it is really beyond what the eyes can endure.

The wedding was ok. Not v fun for them, not much mingling cos they had to sit at the stage and watch pple stand ard and help themselves to the food buffet. Strange hor. Banquet is better, at least can sit. And the newly weds can flutter frm table to table to chit chat.

Met jimmy in his hometown. Our nus pal, it has been so long. We always meet at weddings after we grad. And so kind of him. 做尽了地主之谊. He treated all of us lunch, actually shouldnt have, cos we have 7 and he is only 1. I was in time to go to the cashier but they rejected me, dunno why. I thot jimmy bribe them. 

Longi and sudi's wedding in singapore

20 mar 2016. Orchard pan pac. Lunch. 

And so i left HK earlier than the others. 

Congratulations to my beloved bro and his wife. Sincerely wish them both a superb blissful marriage and wish they support each other thruout their whole lives and live happily ever after!!

CIT retreat @ hongkong 15 -19 Mar 2016

Super fun trip. Not the retreat part but our own trip. Super frens.. Thanks for the valuable memories. The dynamics create the harmonised fun which is beyond words to describe. Almost the same team as the mt ophir one, with kok liang replacing che wei, we overcome the lan tau peak in HK.

The mountain is less difficult i think. Or maybe different kind of difficult or different kind of ease. Relative. Some of us are fast, some slow. Maybe easier if we go fast so that the muscles arent in constant contraction for too long. Sometimes gg at my pace is more carefree, is more enjoyable, is less burdensome. But im glad to have such balance in the dynamics. They let me stop to smell the roses. They make me luff. They r cautious, v scared when i go too near the cliffs or when i disappear into the fog. The steps were steep, way too many steps. Keep ascending. Non stop. The weather is harsh. Cant see whats ahead, dont know when r we finally reaching. It is like climbing stairs into the clouds. The wind is so strong, if we held an open umbrella each, we would prolly be lifted off our feet. The spectacles are forever wet. I wished i had wipers on my specs. Cant see at all, cant see the fog i mean.

Last retreat i went was malacca. Skipped penang, bangkok, vietnam. So joined again this yr, almost missed it again cos of longi's wedding. I returned one day earlier. Retreat wasnt fun, but we have many cool pple in the division, talented in fact. So many to learn frm, i hope i have the oportunities, which i know i need to create these doors and walk thru them on my own.