Xmas 2014

The first word that you associate with Christmas is? For me it is joyous and peace. A well celebrated festival, it brings a different atmosphere where is laughter and the spirit of giving. How amazing the day has spread to reach out to this population on earth. As a chinese and a non christ believer, i still think this is the best period of the year. Lny is not anywhere near, but maybe we r in a place where we do not have 100% chinese. Shrugs. 

As usual, i receive more than i give. Pple are so kind to make the effort to buy then wrap and package it nicely, with customised msges and bringing it all the way to the office desk. It is really fun to see a pile a pile of gifts. Im guilty of not doing enuff, and indeed it is a choice. I have always wanted to, but i nv get down to doing it, even borrowed others' legs to go and buy. Volunteered wrapping tho mine usually turns out really cmi, so decided not to downgrade the gift n jus contributed $. What i need is the heart, perseverence, change in mindset, time and energy. Thats a lot to achieve. I cant even handle a handful, how do i manage so many? Failure. But i hope not for long.

I know my priority has changed, i have placed more focus on health, instead of ignoring and shrugging it off, thinking that i can still endure and it will go away soon. Some pple dont learn, some once bitten twice shy and some continue to bo chup. I think im the middle one. So i crossed the first hurdle in getting myself to the stupid polyclinic when i woke up on monday feeling 8 out of 10 pain, usually is abt  5-7. There is relative comparison, so i know when is the worry pt or worse breaking pt for myself. Coupled with vomitting, i hope i am only at the worry pt. the idea is not to take action when it is too late. Yes? Sounds like common sense but we dont do it, which i dont know why. Or maybe i do, cos i loathe the medical industry here. I jus know it, deep in my bones, i will jus be wasting time. I will jus feel pekcek during the process and disgusted at the end without a cure, in the end i have to manage it myself without help, so why would i subject myself to pekcekness knowing what's coming. 

Then i know i need to change my mindset. Take one step at a time. Im jus not gg to think a few steps ahead anymore. Oh im gg to digress here, cos reminds me of work, yes i know i know, jus let me finish this piece. Here i go. Thinking a few steps ahead may cause unnecessary stress. A sudden change in intent, not communicated "yet", lead to wasted effort. Ok now try to jus accept the wasted effort. The concerted effort is being disrupted, the risk of not meeting the timeline is apparent, more mtgs are required cos the previous one has not aligned everyone. Another idea come in, another direction, wrong instructions or requests has been given, resulting in the other team wasting effort too. Can the requests nt come frm us, else to them, we say one thing, another say another, then how many times do they need to keep working on the figures, and really, are all these necessary? It has come to a point that, a few pple get it sorted out before engaging the rest is the most appropriate strategy now. Shall jus direct the qns away, and not do anything at all. Yes, i feel like and for all those who had invested energy, time and brain juice, trying to make sense what is the everyone else talking abt, supporting the bosses as much as possible despite not agreeing but then kenna kick ard, working on this and that. Sigh it is horrible, when nobody leads, pple suffer, when everyone wants to lead , pple also suffer. What on earth?! Wasnt new found failure, alr known, so why not jus live with it. Actually we have lived and still living with it, it is good enuff. And back to that painful morning, i walked with the zen attitude to the polyclinic. No gps in neighbourhood private clinics are good, so might as well try new grounds, without any expectation....of the long queue. So trying not to reinforce my thinking that the place is beyond redemption, i maintain the zen attitude thruout, after the registration, it is the consultation queue and i saw there is another pharmacy queue and payment queue. Disregarding the last 2 away, i patiently waited for consultation. Arghhhh how to not complain. I could have defame her here, but i shant be so bad, she is within expectation anyway, not worse off at least, there is sarcasm here. Anyhow, i refuse to take useless medicine, went to book the physio session and to the self service payment kiosk which is so not working, and waited in line for counter payment, 2 in front of me, not so bad le. Im grateful to be outta there. If i were to make this decision of having the physio on the next day 2 years ago, i would have said no, knowing there r 2 mtgs that i had to attend, how to arrange with others so last min, there r many affected! But i was actually told to be  lucky as someone cancelled it, the next one is on 21 jan. Im glad to prioritise the physio now first.

Mum suggested to go tcm after bfast. So we went, did cupping, tolerable pain on the skin, and some bones cracking, was prescribed the uber bitter chinese medicine and was told to see him back on fri, if choose to. We decided to revisit on sunday instead. Temporal relief, pain is still there, not at 8 out of 10. Drop to prolly 5-6. Diagnosis:- Posture and nerves are affected thus causing pain.

The next day to the physiotherapist. Young, shuai and competent i would say, lets caveat it to be the first impression, jus one doc is not enuff to make me less sceptical of the medical practioners nowadays. He asked qns, he analysed aloud and explained to me. Sounds logical. Very knowledgeable chap and a pilates advocate. Later i googled that pilates is v much used for physiotherapy, so that gels. But he is stereotypical. From 3 main instances, he assumed i went uni, he asked if im a type A person, and he assumes i worry. But his i know his intent is to allay the worries, as most pain or body dysfunction arise from worries. That reminds of what i was told, manifestation of the mind, which i believe. I appreciate that from that angle. I also clarified that i dont worry, and my intent is to find out what causes the pain, which im eliminating causes other than stress. Then he taught me some poses to do everyday. Stiff spine and not affecting nerves as i dont find tingling feeling in arms, and the last rib isnt painful. The chest pain he mentioned is due to the section of the spine that is linked to the ribcage lacking movement, and he trained me to breathe in more deeply to exercise the entire rib cage. Then he also said sgporean mostly focus on cardio and not enuff on strengthening and flexibility. He advised that i change my lifestyle, i need to focus on working on the bod. So anyhow his 30min cost 120+ bucks, after subsidy is 40+. Okay.

Accompanied merv mum to floor tile and material selection for the room reno. I know she prefers us to do it with her, instead of leaving her to make the decision, tho she has her pref. i think she jus needs our involvement and interest which obivously merv isnt trying to make her less pekcek. Im glad that ours is dbss, cant imagine gg thru another session, so many to choose from, from colour to texture, to pattern and material...omg...i need my material engineering knowledge. Most look abt the same to me anyway, and all these r so subjective, depends on indiv pref. so tried to facilitate and give some views lor, cos no views also not good, if views dont match also dilemmic, most of them look ok to me, but if u ask me to choose, i anyhow point and when ask why, my definition of beauty lor. Sweat.

After that we had dinner and did up the last min xmas tree. Haha nobody is gg to be anal abt having gaps in the tree, tho it was joked, nobody gets to shifting it, which is good. I rmb once when a fren who keeps shifting what others hang on it, so perfectionist, if she wants she do herself lor. And then we watch this disturbing show call gone girl. It is detective show, but there is the scheming part in it, bad media influence. 

Ho ho ho, another dinner gathering today.

A strained xmas 2014 forecast based on recent conditions

The human body is designed to experience stress and react to it. Stress can be positive, keeping you alert and ready to avoid danger. Stress becomes negative when a person faces continuous challenges without relief or relaxation between challenges. As a result, the person becomes overworked, and stress-related tension builds.

Stress that continues without relief can lead to a condition called distress, a negative stress reaction. Distress can lead to physical symptoms including headaches, upset stomach, elevated blood pressure, chest pain and problems with sleeping. Research suggests that stress can also bring on or worsen certain symptoms or diseases.

Personally i have clocked 10 symptoms out of the list. Bad enough? Dont know, as the situation seems to be exacerbating, i should do smth to address or correct it before it all becomes too late? Now question is what shld i do? Considered a few courses of actions, now is deciding which path to take and what i hate is what hinders me from doing the things i want now and really there is no guarantee at the end of the decided course. So shld i still do it, i wont know if i dont try.

While i avoid complaining consciously, and hate to admit or reveal how weak i am, the situation has surpassed what i can hide from others. I will be asked why i flinch all of a sudden.

Cant exactly rmb when did i start, prolly 2-3 yrs? The shoulders started to keep experiencing pain, occasionally it will spread to the neck and causes headache, and there was a period when i consciously tried to stay away from panadols to avoid over reliance. Paased that stage. Then a phase of frequent colds, to a pt that pple pointed it out! I will be surprised as i was and supposed to be fit and healthy, as compared to sch mates, my physical abilities have given me the "glory" which din realise that i have been taking it for granted till now. I have suspected the cause to be stress from the readings and the consultations i went to, of cos, i dun have the patience to make regular visits to a particular one, as i was sceptical and rule them as jus being money faced. Seriously, why would it be of their interest to cure a patient, since they can earn more from returning visits, on top of the good reputation they have from spread of mouths. The medical practitioners mus have a true golden heart to cure patients fast. So tried from various tcms, to normal gps, to chiropractors etc, to complain abt stiff neck and shoulders and headaches mainly.

Recently has been a very strange phenomenon. Started to have chest pain, over 3 wks or so, it didnt get better. The boundary of the area where the pain is becomes more fuzzy, i cant pin point where it is, it jus grabs the chest, prolly shifted frm a focus point on the right towards the left, cant describe properly too. Amazingly, the chest pain is only there during the wkdays. Tried muscle relaxant prescribed by the doc, once i stop taking, the pain returns. Then during the wkends, the backpain is horrible, 24/7, and thruout the whole back. I used to be relieved to report to the docs that no, i do nt have pain on the upper back, mid back or lower back, jus shoulders and above. Now it is thruout the entire back and it is killing me. Massage and salon pas dont help anymore, chronic. Urghh, i becoem quite frustrated cos i had to endure it thru and pull myself out of bed. Any physical work cause it more pain and the innertia is very high to even get out of bed. Cant the pain jus go away? It is bothersome! Cant walk for long as well, need to sit down...shucks man, fear gripped me when i imagine the time i cant trek , either jus travelling overseas or climbing mountains. No no...it is my second fear after the first fear of becoming blind.

I reckon that these symptoms are due to stress, if it is anything else, i wouldnt know, but really i dont think so. Not hereditary, no medical history etc, so what i map out is the plan to eliminate stress. Instead of going into a panic attack, i shld analyse more logically. All action plans are within my control. Shldnt be lazy and get to doing something. Still contemplating the course of actions but prolly, let me get a full body chk up first, if everything's well, i jus need to work on managing the mind and emotions. 

To my close ones, i have it under control, so dont worry, as there is no pt in doing so. Worrying cause ur own health to deteriote and i will have no healthy soul to turn to when i need u. Taking care of urself well reduces my worry, and lets jus take care of ourselves well, before even extending the help to others k? It is the best gift u can give to a fren. There is nothing u can do, except to respond when i ask for it, so jus trust me in getting myself sorted out and repaired. Thanks alot already for sharing the experiences and the advices. Thats all i need.

What a note to do for christmas! Lets celebrate and embrace the joy of giving. Merry christmas to all!

Freed finally

Really sounds like in captive for a long time. Started from gown choosing and trial make up plus got to find ideas so that they can be communicated to the photographer, on the locations and the props that we will be bringing. No balloons for sure, too cliche, and it is commendable effort that i managed to diy dyeing my hair, get the mani and pedi done and avoid getting tanned, having pimples and mozzie bites. Finally freed and bo chup now, until when it is nearing march again prolly. 

Luckily i had enuff rest, after touching down at the airport at 1030pm the night before. Lucky no aches, lucky no rain too. Really appreciate the luck. Dread the day actually, but since it is all in the mind, lets start it right, 180 deg change, yay finally i can try being a model for a day! *trying hard to act enthu. Anyhow it is my dream to be able to try every single occupation, thus actually artiste are lucky. If i get to try, i prolly will know my work doesnt suck that much? We were late tho, and haven had bfast. Went to the studio first and gabby, the mua, was shocked at how fast i eat and change..i was like...normal speed leh, if i rush i can be even faster. Oops. Gosh i really pity the models. Hairdos, make-ups, pose here pose there, tilt chin, pull shoulders, stand straight and smileeeeezzzz. I also dun get why mus i keep pulling up my gown. Samuel, the photographer also say me chor lor a few times, and also say why i climb so fast. I look sad prolly, cos oops was i not demure again? N then he say, why? Im complimenting u! Then i ohhh, heng ah...climb the stairs...how long does it take? Not like i have to do slow mo ma...maybe cos i can handle the gown easily? Maybe other gals are more careful with the gowns? Shrugs. He ask me pull up more layers so many times then still ask did i go muscle training in the gym, obviously no, naturally toned arms...maybe frm npcc la, wat to do.

Studio was fun, i decided that it is the aircon. It is more fun than i expected, and im quite impressed by gabby who can do so many haristyles. N they have so many clip ons earrings! Tho some are really painful, i pull them off halfway and had to rub my sore lobes. N i didnt realise they din give me necklaces, until i show my aunt some pics thru wasapp...none leh...nvm la, i got nice neck and shoulders...pukes.

Samuel takes alot of solo pics i thot...why so many? I mus be disciplined, merv is prepared to buy another 20 more. Thats 2k+ leh...no wayyyy.....dun be a carrot head...no pt taking so many and keep in the album ma..,jus need a couple of nice ones to frame up n at least u look at it on the wall. He can do the girly poses better than me, shucks i really cant do them...too gay and it is super unnatural. Why do i have to act so girly ahh..

We da bao from the canteen and ate at the studio, therafter, we drove over to sam. Outdoor is v different, need to wait for pple to walk pass. 250 bucks for gabby to follow along is unnecessary actually..not much touch up required. Once? Then one hairdo for each of us tats all. Then samuel make her throw the dress train so that it looks like it is flying..i almost burst out luffing. 

Then to lorong halus, the toilet floor was wet, so we change outside, not exposed la, but i think still quite obsene haha...one nice lady congrats me when she walks out of the toilet, the bf or hubby jus smiled. Sociable. Then we go to the grass area. one kind cyclist still ask if i got put insect repellent cos i was wearing the short skirt, yea i did, but seriously no use. Samuel thot is fren, no leh stranger, kidn auntie. The mozzie bites i got there are more than in bali, they are obviously immune to the mozzie repellent alr...maybe go bali, use sg repellent, then in sg, shld use bali repellent. Mozzies are clever to develop the immunity.  actually we dun really like the bridge leh...he take so many over there, lets see the results when the photos are ready for selection. 

Yayyy change out of the short skirt and into casual wear...finally...and we dun want to go to the 3rd location, stayed there. Pose with my beloved bicycle...din have time to clean it...then samuel still go and carry, it is dirty lo..and merv brought his new soccer ball which still has the price tag on! Samuel found it at the end of the shoot..hahaha..gabby ask for secrets to maintain white skin even tho i go cycling often...i dun even put sunblock leh, i hope she doesnt find me selfish dun want to share..cos i really have none..except for being bochup. 630pm, pack up.....i was dropped off first so that the car boot cover is free from the bike and its mount. Then merv drop them back at midview city, bishan, before gg back to clementi. So siong...but so glad it is all over!!! Yayyyy!!!

Dec 14 hol getaway - ubud

“Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.” - The 14th Dalai Lama

How true.

Read that also to focus more properly, we can themed each day of the wk. like build rapport on tuesday, clear emails on thursday, jog and hike on saturday, not sure if disciplined enuff to do that. It is also quite scary to learn that the thots dont matter, it is the action that defines one. What if it doesnt portray one's true self. Or pple misinterpreted the actions or.... Shrugs. Another fact of life.

Third day of the dec hol, we had the time to slp in. Even with nothing to do, i find that there is not enough time, not rushing, but still get the feeling of time flies. As usual, got the bfast delivered to the room and had the tv played through the top 20 on the mtv chart. Read abit while waiting for the car at 12pm. The car cost us 350k (private car). Quite ex. Considering airport to seminyak is at 150k (taxi), while we were offered 400k(private car) from ubud back to the airport. In the end on day 5, we took a 6k per pax public bus from ubud to the airport. So much difference in cost! A lady used a scooter to drive us, one by one, a few blocks down the road to the bus stop. The bus didnt have the best air conditioning but it is a mini van, 1-2 hrs ride, enough comfort.

Ubud is very different from seminyak n im really amazed by how their houses/shops are built. Very packed along the road, one shop next to another without gaps, u walk in a door, it goes deep in. U cant see that the shop or restaurant is that big from the front door at all. 另有乾坤 aptly describes the town design. We arrived at umae villa, nice set up and it feels like shinrin yoku, which means forest bathing in japanese. Surrounded by lots of plants around the villa, would be better if the pool is elongated as it would be more practical, otherwise we are jus soaking or trying to move the muscles by threading water which isnt deep to begin with. Lots of insects tho too. cant do much at night as the lights are really too dim, unless read off an electronic device or really jus stare at the ceiling or watch a dvd.

We went for the bebek duck restaurant for lunch on day 3, not bad. Food is quite nice, and we sit at the low seats in a thatched roof hut. Like those low japanese dining tables. Then it rained, cant do much. Their roads are flooded, too narrow for the 2-way traffic too, lucky they cant go faster than 40 km, otherwise the splash will be head high instead of ankle high. Took a nap then come out for dinner again at a nearby cafe, pizza bagus. Ate aglio olio but too oily, the cinnamon tea is nice tho.

Day 4, woke up at 7am, for a tour to the local ubud market, not the tourist one. Im really amazed and impressed by the knowledge of the guide and also one of the australian lady in the group in the culinary area. They can recognise all the spice, vegetables and fruits picked up by the guide. He also explained the various ways of making the dishes. Jus on the word blanching, there are different ways of making it, it is jus soaking the vege in hot salt water for 20 sec, compared to dipping it in hot water then in cold water. The tumeric makes our hands yellow. It is informative, but cant rmb much when he couples the explanation with bahasa indonesian. 

Realised when u say terima kasih to someone, he can return with sama sama. Similar to the japanese's kochira koso. Oh ya we have a japanese lady in the tour, a columbian, 2 canadians and 4 aussies.

Then we were sent to the traditional bali home compound where more culture was explained. The home compound cannot be sold, if nobody else is staying there, it will e returned to the community, his community has 720 homes and one home compound ranges up to 70 pple each. His is 21, which he said considered small. Every home has a temple and it has to be built in the direction of the highest mt peak, all beds have to face the same direction as well. The temple is on higher grounds than the rest of the homes, and there are many huts/buildings within the compound, the one closest to the temple will be where the eldest will stay and where household meetings are held. They buried the placentas in front of this building and made offerings to them as well, so you can see how many boys and gals the home has easily. there is a ceremonial building in the east where they hold funerals, weddings, teeth filing etc. the kitchen and toilets are further in, away from the entrance. We had pisang goreng (they say it the other way round) and ginger tea before we start the cooking class. 

The cooking class is quite siong. The most impressive part is the preparation of the 5 courses, timed and organised, so that u get the all the dishes hot at the end! Amazing. The rice is most imba. One and a half hr! As compared to the 20min by the rice cooker. They dont use food blenders or processors as well, so all grinded, chopped, sliced, diced etc. chicken curry taste the best and the dessert is my fav kueh dadar. They call it dadar guling i think. So quite tiring to stand for abt 2 hours? N we finally taste the food we make, they mix all the 10 pple 's product, will be better if i can jus retrieve mine. Ended at abt 3 pm.

Went back to the villa before gg for 2 hr massage and scrub and body mask at 6pm, 340k. Really not good, din give a good feedback, the technique prob and no aircon! So kenna bitten by mozzies, another pt deducted. The scrub and mask was u comfy, felt too exposed while she is applying it, and i keep fidgeting when she left me there, either to scratch the mozzie bitten wound or to move the towel away frm my eyes.cant stay still. Then after really tickled me and couldnt stop luffing, where got pple bathe halfway, exposed then still talk abt the flower bath and tea put on the edge of the bathtub leh! Super farnie...it is like can let me finish showering first, dun have enuff limbs to cover myself lo...and lucky she passes the yoghurt to let me apply on my own, damn scary actually. Sighz..went for dinner till 10pm.

Last day, sad that hol is ending. Went to ubud market, saw a ceremony preparation for one tmr, and too many stalls selling the same things. As i loathe bargaining, it really isnt fun for me at all....treked back abt 2km to the villa, before boarding the bus to the airport.

Dec 14 hol getaway - seminyak

The first 2 days at seminyak, kuta.

Strange thots and feelings. Actually feared. That prolly i will be leaving this world. Weird. The vast blue sky littered with clouds, i used to love it, would be able to admire it everytime if my ambition as a pilot is fulfilled. But yesterday, fear gripped me. Unknown fear. Dunno scared of what. I shrugged it off. Was slpy, but cant slp, as usual, cant slp in the day.

150k IDR cab from the airport, denpasar to clio. Abt 20-30min ride. The traffic isnt great. The apartment is nice. We went for lunch after chking in.

I ate lontong, rich in coconut tho. An imba drink, mix of beetroot, ginger, apples and orange. Not too bad after getting used to it. Then we walked down the road, to the beach. The roads are horribly polluted, the air and all the honking. The beach is nice, the waves are superb, they came crashing down onto the sand. Went back for an hr's rest before gg to bistrot for dinner. Nice ambience. Chicken breast stuffed with spinach and macha frappe. When we walked back, the roads are very poorly lit. The alleys are real dark.

Had full 9 hrs slp..shiok shiok. Bfast is delivered to the room as they do not have dining hall. Then went out for mani pedi. Their pricing scheme is abit weird. 400k for normal, one after another, while it is 360k for an hr for twin therapist, half the time. The latter shld be more ex ma. Good for me then. First time experience, and both come with wax paraffin, quite entertained by watching 2 of them and tada, outcome achieved.

Next to lunch at bk. we walked quite a bit..avoided the main roads alr, not keen of the pollution. The small roads and alleys are really nice to stroll. Walked along the beach too, enjoying the melodious sound of the waves. Abit scared to be tanned tho. First time so gay scared of the tan, cos of the photoshoot, but ive backup plan at the back of my mind la, photoshop lor. Lots of offerings along the pavement.

After a long walk, went to black canyon coffee for coffee break.

Nex to 2 hr massage and facial at espace. Super taitai ish today. The latter was good, the head and face massage somehow cleared the qi which seemed to be stuck in the head. It rained, heavily. We waited for a while and finally the rain got lighter. We dashed across the road to Bo and Bun. It doesnt get its great reviews for no reasons. Superb taste indeed. I got pad thai. The rain became heavier, we got stranded and stuck at the restaurant. Then the lights went out. No trips. It jus blackout! What wow me was that the owner apologised for it and told all the customers not to worry abt the bill, it is on the house. The table next to us actually asked for the "refund" as they had alr paid. Roll eyes. Pay alr jus pay la. After that we insisted on paying, not their fault that the lights went out. Positively surprising service, they insisted that it is free and said that it hadnt rained so heavily in 6 mths. We decided to borrow the umbrella for a 5-10 min walk back to the room, where we will then use our umbrella to return theirs later. They actually asked us not to bother, can always return tmr, tho they may not be opened tmr if the electricity isnt coming back on by then. Anyway really impressed by the people.

Apologise with sincerity, a habit to be taught since young to build a culture

http://www.cuppacocoa.com/a-better-way-to-say-sorry/

Tat is a habit to learn and a culture to develop. How true. If kids can do that, adults should too.

How right, the willingness to say sorry needs to come from within. It is not jus paying lip service to close the case and give in. The offender needs to learn what he is actually sorry for. Put some thot into it even when there is anger. The apology can come later too after reflection, better late than sorry and best of all, u mean what u say, with sincerity. 

Refusing to say sorry could be jus ego, or u do not want the other person to think that he is right. Haha he says sorry cos im right. No! Becos to counter such thot, i refuse to say sorry. Now question is how to make both realise both are at fault. I know my mistake, do u? A fight started often cos both are at fault in some ways. The articles illustrates well, for parents to teach the kids and for teachers to teach their students, for us to teach ourselves and our peers.

An account of a saturday

Tried to start the day with a happier self, as compared to the usual " why do i have to wake up now " day. Was still slpy, but still dragged myself to the sink to get my teeth brushed. A self induced happiness to begin the day, hopefully more excitedly. Went bfast with mum n bros, always a heartwarming affair and really treasure the get together time of the wk, which soemtimes we may even missed. Bros often have more to talk abt at these times, but when we meet occasionally for dinner in the wkday, i will be doing most of the talk. All larks, and they use the chance to talk abt work (complain basically) and interesting encounters they had and some hilarious talks abt aspirations. 

Then accompany merv to sitex, psychoed myself to embrace the crowds. He got his note edge and off we go, no weaving thru the crowded halls. Not so bad, and i really tried to smile at the people who issues brocuhres and touting. Dun start with the irritated mood then all's fine, i wonder if they like their job. Even if they r part timers or temporary workers who r mostly students getting some spare cash in the hols, do they enjoy it? I din even think of applying such positions when i was 10 yrs younger, waste paper leh..they shld put more recycle bins ard. Paper recycling bins.

When we came out, the corridors were freezing. Raining...there goes my cycling trip. Decided to sit in the car and go to the crematorium. Stayed in the car, drove ard abit in the peaceful surrounding. Stopped the car engine while letting some air in without keeping the windows entirely up but then a mosquito flew in, so left the gap really small. Drizzle, even the sky is mourning. The bamboo create serenity, nobody else at all, real peace. So i jus sat there and stone while waiting. First time i actually enjoyed waiting.

Then to chongbang for lunch at 4pm, quite a happening heartlandish neighbourhood indeed. I think this is prolly the 2nd or 3rd time i went there. I was super slpy after lunch, yet cant slp at all, even after we went home. Pulled out a show " what dreams may come " starring robin williams. Not too bad. N then we jus grabbed ramly burgers from pasar malam for dinner. Not v hungry leh.

Haven been blogging abt the day's events for the longest time. This is what i used to think a journal or diary shld be, but well, as we grow, erm or age, we think it isnt the case. I hesitate cos i got a fren who told me boys dont grow up, they jus grow old. He is a man btw. Hahaha..Then what abt gals? I think sama sama also la...pro side is to retain the cuteness, con side is be immature.

An account of roll eyes incidents

Alot went thru my mind today. Ah for this post, i type it local on notes. Cos the last time i blogged, the entire post was mysteriously wiped.. Wat on earth?! But anyway i remembered that the last post was inspired by incident reports. Too many during that period. One after another 接二连三，祸不单行. Idioms are so aptly invented. And we had the itrca course, document every single thing. The thinking process is the same, jus different tools. Systematically drill down to the cause and avoid assumptions. Very common problem among IT pple, realised this common trait among IT network engineers, they use gut feeling or experience, but seriously to a layman like me, their statement doesnt make sense logically. Got a chance to demonstrate the rca for the kiosk proj. Problematic, intermittent, we sat down and draw everywhere on the board with all the evidence collected and detailed down the next course of action. Insisted that we can do something else other than jus claiming network is intermittent, server jus not responding, or app is still ok. How do u know it is ok? Did u stand by the kiosk and watch it 24 hrs? A few times we watch users, caught a few incidents alr and had to offer assistance. To us, out of the 10 times on site, 8 of it kenna incidents, that is 80% and obviously not ok. This intermittent issue shld be drilled down into the issues. My gut feeling, the coding parameters. So nvm lets do iteration. Today another swarm of alerts, i hope someone takes this up and continue the analysis pls, dont wait for me. Details kill me. But over 3 wks no improvement, got to step in, so it is not i enjoy it, i had no choice. I will avoid generating additional work, but the issue is too severe, we need to invest some time. Anyway they did a great job, they can answer almost all my qns, without those facts, we wont be able to go thru that discussion so i applaud and hats off their eyes for details. Without the figures and understanding of the situation well, we cant analyse. So yea so since they had done their job, prolly piecing these up is my job. I shld do it, but i think i will be successful only if someone can do it on my behalf. Maybe i shld be a teacher.

I still have a lot to do, so am i really nicely loaded? My team mates say so, but i shld review mine, i thot if they ok i ok. But end up this whole wk, all mtgs (had to skip some tho i need to attend) and come back to office im assisting them more than doing my stuff. Of cos by assisting them, i indirectly get alot more completed. But i realise, the pace isnt good yet, im still having 300 unread emails everyday after dumping the 2000 emails into archives without reading, and seriously it doesnt hurt me! Once or twice i had some info gap but the freq is low, that means i can archive more! Happy. I still have alot of drawings haven gone thru, din have time to clear. Wats worse is i cant clear them without a concurred concept. So when someone told me i have bad reputation of not coming back to them, i had to defend by sayin i ask alr, nobody wants to give me ans. i have provided my personal view but i know some pple may have differing views and yet dun want to confirm. Seriously, im as pekcek as u all are.

Today i make oka san happy. I cfmed a few principles. Execute by principles wont be too wrong. Oka san hates undecisiveness and inconclusive mtgs, which i totally can relate. But sometimes it is beyond my control. One of the few guys i know hinges strongly on this. I also explain and countered when jon says as long as isms is cleared for exceeding asml, if ap is below isms then shld be cleared right. Principle-ly yes but im afraid the approval was given based on exceptions of a security system, so they all agree to chk back. If there is a reason, pple are convinced. If the considerations are not clearly articulated, then all will be bugged to revisit the same thing over and over again. Unproductive. Actually we not bad le wat, we foresee and clear some of the stuff internally before they even asked. Those that come up last min, if internal pple dun want to give me ans, or i dun haf time to got thru with them, we need more time. So from this angle, the non timeliness, we are still overloaded. Speed is compromised. Or maybe jus cant get pple also.

The team in general is good, relieved, much better than the other disciplines and the horror stories i heard. This bunch is less political, easier to work with, and we work for the right outcome. Got a handful tho, either they r too blur, or they r too smart to act blur. Done a few times of scolding, how can the lines be anyhow removed, jus cos the comments say so? I mean it is obvious that the system wont work right? Anyway the comment was misinterpreted. My concern was more on blindly following what they think the instructions are and do without thinking. Gosh. How many times mus we chk the dwgs for their mistakes. Asked ian to work smart with us. We do no objection subject to comments. They are held responsible for complying with the comments which are mostly principles, any exceptions shall be highlighted n be reviewed. Dun let them keep resubmitting and then we keep chking. How to finish 80 drawings + resubmissions? Ian is afraid without resubmissions they dun understand what they r doing, valid, so we said resubmit as shop drawings, lets get past the concept design phase, otherwise they will complain IT is delaying them with changes or whatever crap. This is jus an excuse by them. Im wary when conversing with some of the peeps, trying to find some scapegoats for their delay. Roll eyes. Applying iq in the wrong way. Disappointing.

Another wat on earth. How can they not turn up for their own mtg? Blacklisted. I go is purely jus to help the person. But if he is the one who arranges the mtg when the needed pple are nt ard then is he kok up. Din clarify. I took my time in the previous mtg, din leave early, jus wait till all is over then i join. Anyway alr say the consultant come and lead ma, then we ask twice, still dun want to include the consultant, then now leave his own colleague in the lurch, win liao. I dun wan to end up doing others work again, so i also asked al dun nid to attend. He managed well, i helped to clarify the intent, and stop thinking is IT supposed to do every damn thing. The purpose is jus get the right scope and sensors are placed for some purpose and not anyhow plant. Solution everyone is sourcing so dun think that why IT haven come up with the solution. It is contractors job to find the solution once the rqm are clearly articulated to them. The existing trial is to verify so that the contractor dont smoke us with sub standard products. Thats all. I mean why does user keep pushing work to us ah, how come nobody is defending? Like the points are plotted for discussion v good alr leh. So well, they all nod their head, they say they will discuss internal to ao. I shall make myself scarce.

Before that mtg also, why do we need to compile ao's budget ah? Seriously either projs or pmo do it la...we replied one month ago. And I purposely stay behind and throw it back immed tat night. So as expected nobody did the compilation, one month later, they r still referring to the old version. So qn qn qn lor. We are not responsible in doing the compilation hor. Hmm...isa cannot assess what is to be done by us and whats not, then end up not completing her own stuff faster. the relocation cost mine, i got a shock to know that the dynamite is still with us. We werent even told of the rqm, how to budget? So what if it is IT system, we dont dictate the qty leh. So today also deflect it back. Wa this one explain the logic many times liao, pple still think we need to solve it. Something is wrong. We got to solve tog, pmo or proj has the whole pool, pmo can help grab savings and defray the deficit here. Point put across explicitly and they agree. Im lucky to haf t4 as ref. if everyone is new, everyone swims like wat we did for t4. Got template jus follow la, more efficient. Problem is lack of knowledge sharing and lessons learnt. And the pple who know the most had no time to guide the pple. The system sucks. 

Dunno today why got energy to type. Letting out. All complaints. But among these, there r lessons learnt. When i need to come in and battle, something went wrong somewhere, someone or something mus haf created the perception. And why is it that work is not done by the respective parties when they r supposed to? I think some defensive or impatient tone is right and required. They will rmb the expression. And somehow get things sorted out before the next mtg. Instead of assume here and there, i thot she do, blah blah blah. If words cannot be used explicitly like ao pls do and present next mtg. Then use tone as the indirect method lor. The jigsaw cannot be completed without everyone's inputs. We finished our part. Full stop. Helping one another doesnt work here as it results in setting precedence. It is a very unhealthy culture. Im aware not to be trapped in it. So everytime i help but i think it is not my job, i will say explicitly, seriously this is not IT's job. I will do it out of goodwill to help u and only once, cos it is only for u. As in, dun want to promote the culture of drawing lines and pple start defending here n there. I will still help but the person shld be aware and not take for granted. There r some who are auto, understands the goodwill and return it another time. Such allies are beneficial, culture is healthy too.

And same sentiments with al, why do we need to do useless things for pple esp when it is their job to get it. U want to chase us u carry on, im not gg to be stressed by u like i used to be, i jus passively pass msg lor, the ball is on others court, im jus a messenger. Seriously, depend on the purpose, i can jus be bo chup. U want it, go get it urself. Dun think we 随传随到 and have to get so many things for u. Manage ur own projs. Let u get a taste of see u get what u want jus by sitting there poking others or bugging pple every single day. Crap leh, the typical culture which i loathe. Really cmi. Think they r at the top can shake leg. No wonder things dun move...like take how many yrs to do one thing. Starting upfront told u so alr, now still chase at ur tail n expects help. Crossing the zone into potential blacklist. U can avoid specific pple but u cant avoid culture, there is a mix currently, abit of hope, thanks to those who come frm private sectors n those few exceptions who arent polluted.

风になる

http://youtu.be/bD5ioI1bEPc

What on earth?

Supposed to have an entry, inspired from the incident reports detailing a personal encounter....but it is gone after alt tab, what on earth? anyhow too lazy to re write..forget abt it le...

And i realise recently, there are so many what on earths...

Hokkaido trip sep-oct 2014 - day 2 and 3

Decided to jus record in pt form. The trip was alright, not fantastic though. Think central japan would be more fun. Or maybe to enjoy hokkaido fully, you need the freedom to drive around on your own, then you can laze around and enjoy the nature fully. Also it is a place where pple would visit during different seasons which give pple different breathtaking views. Imagine the time to jus climb up the high mountains in the chilly breeze, and sit there on a picnic mat jus outside a tent, overseeing the cliffs and soaking in with the changing leaves colour, there is then only peace and serenity. This trip did not provide us the beautiful colours yet, but autumn is brief, not easy to catch also, and even if we manage to catch it, the weather would be too cold. Still, the experience and seeing it first hand gives me the power to visualise and creates even more sensational images in my head.

30 sep

9 am departure

Kirin Brewery, a pity that the factory is not in operation that day.

Then we had steamed crab and steamboat.

To a public park where the copper statue has only his face that is shiny, we jus strolled about in the cooling weather and went up to a small hill to view beautiful sunset. A group of japanese students were also there taking their excursion group pic.

Next we took a cable car up mt hakodate to see the night view of the city.

Typical japanese bento set for dinner, yummilicious.

1 oct

To a marketplace n bought dried squid strips as snacks. The place is like england's camden market. Jus with many more stalls with seafood stuff like sea urchins, giant crabs etc.

To Konbu kan, more like a museum and where they make many food products too. Alot of free food samples. Konbu is jus seaweed, and it is amazing that they can make into so many products. Some of the snacks are delicious but mostly yucky unfortunately. The tea is also yucky. It hink normal seaweed soup taste nicer.

We had Udon in soup and fried rice with poached eggs for lunch. The udon super q. Even tho im not a fan of udon, i finished it all, really superb.

Next to the cable car up the volcano. Nice day view after a considerable number of steps up to the peak.

Afternoon went to an apple farm. We get to pick and pluck 2 apples each to bring home. Then we can pick and cut on the spot for an apple buffet. The apples are wonderful, so big and sweet. All of them. Really royal breed.

As the sky darkens, we went to an more than 100-yr Old Post office where it feels like christmas all year round. 

Then dinner at hotel which is really not nice at all, so din eat much. The hotel is with tatami and futon, reminiscing the hotel at mt fuji. Both are super nice. The tatami gives off a very nice smell and very cosy to jus sit at the low table with houji cha and read off my ipad till i concuss. The telephone is damn cool, it is those olden type then u need to dial, turning the dial to the bottom for that digit. Sugoi. 

The next morning, we finally pushed ourselves to go to the onsen at 5am. Only 2-4 pple inside. Imagine if we went last night, sure crowded. Im alr surprised that got pple wake up at 5am like us le. Not the first time, so aware of the procedures. Bigger than the previous one i went in osaka i think and taiwan. You got to strip at the locker place. Cannot bring any towels beyond a certain pt. this time i took the small towel to put on my head. Actually i dunno why did the characters do that in anime, jus follow. Nobody else did that, but we arent reprimanded for taking it in anyway. So jus walk in to the bathing place where u need to sit down on the wooden chair and shower while sitting down. Shampoo and soap all available, we r supposed to clean ourselves before entering the pool. The water was too hot at first, cant get used to the temperature. Cant stay too long also, will start to feel giddy or cannot breathe properly, the steam is making the air too humid. we jus wrap ourselves in their yukata and walk back in the hotel room to bathe. Very weird to sit there and bathe cos cannot straighten my legs one. Brrrrr as we walk along the corridors.

时间都去哪儿了

http://youtu.be/WPZh30QXLiI

演唱：王铮亮  
作曲：陈曦  
作词：董冬冬

门前老树长新芽
院里枯木又开花
半生存了多少话
藏进了满头白发

记忆中的小脚丫
肉嘟嘟的小嘴巴
一生把爱交给他
只为那一声爸妈

时间都去哪儿了
还没好好感受年轻就老了
生儿养女一辈子
满脑子都是孩子哭了笑了

时间都去哪儿了
还没好好看看你眼睛就花了
柴米油盐半辈子
转眼就只剩下满脸的皱纹了

Hokkaido trip sep-oct 2014 - day 1

29 sep

Really slpy when we woke up at 5am so as to take a cab to T1 where we were supposed to meet the tour guide at 615am right at the japan airlines check in row. Their gha waved at the departing plane as it headed towards the taxiway. The air stewardesses are japanese n that's where the interaction with well mannered japanese pple started. Really hats off to their culture, with the basic virtues of humbleness and honesty at the very least deeply rooted in them.

Transit at narita airport in tokyo, very troublesome, need to take out the luggage and then re check in. Dont understand why is it like that when esp it is the same airline that will fetch us to sapporo chitose airport. Horrible queue too. Anyway, the courteous staff somehow replaces my displeasure caused by the process. Sugoi! Kudos to them.

We then met up with another tour guide, a hongkonger who can speak japanese, n he has the same name, kelvin, as the sg tour guide who will be only helping with logistics. Anyhow it wasnt easy. The tour guide's cantonese ascent is so strong that i could only understand half of what he is saying. Started all with jiji which he meant 自己。Reached the hotel late, almost 1015pm. Ate instant ramen that cost us abt 600-800 yen each at the hotel cafe. Got to order the food via the vending machine first before taking the tic to the counter where then they will prepare for u. Neat.

The angel and devil within one

Had lunch with my jc pal last wk, same jc batch means 2 years younger in the working world, and he is earning much more. And im surprised he is so open with his pay. He jus have to mention that he can leave on time and the workload is manageable. Shrugs. Seriously jus next door, who can hr fake? Good chance for me to add, so do ur own pbx, work stuff, but we managed to talk more abt personal n leisure stuff. A typical istj as guessed, thus he can survive well in caas. My entp isnt doing me good, or im jus in the wrong industry which i cant survive or adapt. Interesting exchange of life happenings after all these years and we got to know each other thru a fren who is serving the nation well as a builder of the pillars-of-the-future. And so this pal always play angel and im playing devil in this industry.

All of us have these both sides right, depends on which is more active, as in which side plays more predominantly as you. As me. I am opinionated, i have my own position, and at times i need to quarel cos im representing someone else's position. Got to explain like hell. When pple do not get that it isnt my position, when they are so focused in the argument, they really din hear my caveat upfront, "there r 2 sch of thots" or "im playing the devil's advocate".  And they jus got so heated up, gd gd, u stood strong on ur position. U can fight for ur own stand and justify it accordingly. U understood the subject perfectly. As compared to those who are ok with either stand, tends to sway and unable to rep either side of the debate, but then these are peaceful pple who will not cause any disagreements since there is no offer of the other viewpoint. Pple may be keeping mum as well so as not to be quoted, seriously not our problem, why take it so hard? Are these things then worth fighting for? What is it that you will lose? Actually giving up execution, u will lose trust wont u? Lose credibility. Does it matter?

when u wear the enterprise lens, u tend to create complications. It is not a position easy to be in. Then when u highlight there is this side of story, instead of being appreciated to have caught this gap in time, the blame was placed upon for making the wrong assumptions. I mean seriously, it'd better be wrong. Isnt that at least better than having nothing included at all, following jus the existing set up, not knowing there is another side that is already on going, planning for the future. Adding more is the worst case scenario, more is better than less. The info didnt pass thru their way and so they do not trust the info that is passed from the other direction. It is up to u. U can reject it, jus shake heads and say that no u were not told. Life goes on, by the time u get the trusted intel, it is game over, and then jus state that u were not informed lor. The outcome remains not achieved. This is the devil.

When u start to question what happened to the conversations that led to such reactions after the pure simple intent of bringing up another side of the story that is ongoing as well, u wont go and argue the devil's way. Prolly stress, prolly tone, prolly an act to display in front of others, prolly feel left out for not being informed, whatever the reasons, there should be an ignition. And now when i resolve it to be the tone, im confused what was it that provokes me in changing the tone. I mean, the usual tone shouldnt be like tat right. Tho it is also not new that the tone that came out wasnt what i felt as well. I dunno why the interpretation was like tat, maybe really need to joke abt it, cannot be too serious, as pointed by a colleague as well. Then when im really being myself, pple will comment that i am like a child, too cute to be others' boss. Actually cant we be the fren type of boss, like ek and damian, they r fine egs. Do u really need the so called boss' demeanour. Addressing to my dad's advice as well. Shrugs, i got to remind myself that im not in an entrepreneuring environment.

On the contrary when we tried to reject info, we were told to cast the net to catch all. U see, u need pple to run with u, who has the time to scrutinise the diagrams? This is different from, ok i assign u these fibres, i assign u this rack space. Im not making other comment cos nv see the diagram at all. Well it was rejected in the first place with basis, not our systems, they have their own positions, they din consult, they run wild, we have no resource no time to catch them anyway, better stay out. Now net is to be cast, without an ans on how these concerns are addressed, ok lor force pple to run, either we become bottleneck or we overlook and then we will be blamed for whatever wrong diagrams that had gone thru us. The rest can sit back and enjoy more, having no worries no responsibilities. Instead of using the first approach of sorry din go thru us, we were not consulted, not our probs. now we r bringing in the probs. and then we will all struggle in silence jus to fulfil an overly ambitious want. Pple are so kind. Or prolly pple will jus try their best. I shld be like them, dont need to stomach all the stress to make the tasks mistakes free, anyway later may still blamed for doing the wrong things. No OT will be for this. If this is not victimised, what is this? Devil again.

Jus take things as they come, not going to argue alr, lets see how things pan out using this approach. Lets see how many tasks can we complete on time, executed accordingly and which will slip. Anticipated. Wont plan too much, jus go with the flow. Actually how come a P person plan so much, and i confirm i am high P leh. Dotz. Grateful that help is rendered and approach is directed out in the end still. I achieve the outcome of highlighting or surfacing an issue, i shld stay open with the approach, all may turn out fine. No planning needed, and this is my natural pref, take one step at a time. Dont do tasks prematurely. More imptly, dont hold mtgs prematurely, esp when things keep changing. Toxic mtgs. Anyway really, those that we had caught save us from last min hassle, is not something that will win us any trophy. Tats the bad culture, how come good things are not glorified and appreciated or worse not aware of this at all but when something bad happens, the treatment and attention are adversely amplified. The excuse given for the former case, will be jus mentioning that it is not visible. I can only say whatever, continue to live life this way, it is a choice. Instead of putting it off, u shld be alerted and informed that oh ok i din know. And shld start being grateful. Wat is in this dog eats dog world? As a reminder to myself, never lose urself and never start following this trend. It is a choice, and u dont need to follow the flow. When u start to lose the fighting spirit and resigning ur fate, time to change environment. Gosh, im visualising myself reading this 5 yr later. Like a premonition...nooooo...

Using the word resigning to my fate reminds me of a scenario which urghhhh dont get it....since when i resign to my fate. I said it many times but i haven done it. Have i achieved that? im happy if i did finally. It is an assumption and accusation. Sometimes clarify the misunderstanding results in arguments, cos in clarifications, i tend to fight. Which yes this definitely is not worth fighting for, such a small matter. Malign malign lor. Internal struggle...maybe i will go crazy soon. Still, im grateful for those who kept me sane, im actually happy that pple come and feedback to me on their own accord, it is like they know it is good for me, thus they tell me. They actually bother doing so. Grateful to all those who shared their thots, and im also glad that i spared the time to listen. The pace has slowed down. And i reckon this as the change in choices i made. Again surprised and feel blessed to be surrounded by nice pple, as compared to other stories or encounters i heard, im really considered lucky. These are much more important life lessons than jus rushing to complete mindless tasks and emails. As much as im impatient to change, it isnt easy until i can reach a point to stop myself in time. And also to advocate the right mindset fundamentally.

wonderful sora

how wonderful sora is . a wow moment