Very unhappy

I have been told that very good, im very patient. Even if the topic is obviously gg round, it is the same thing actually, jus want to put in their own ways or words, so be it. They cant follow the speaker, they have the view in their mind and refuse to think along the line of the speaker, jus strictly taking their own path, even tho yes we reach the same outcome and destination. Many roads lead to rome and so those who are flexible embrace all the roads. And yes there r pple whom i love interacting with, they understand what u are referring to, they ask super good qns which reflect their understanding and which i am more than happy to ans and fill in as i know they are helping to connect the dots. These qns sharpen the whole story. And when they get the answers to their questions, they give v straight forward answers with crystal clear explanations. Never grey, never flip flop, never so general such that one will ask so what u want me to do. U know, they give super clear instructions after understanding ur questions and ur plight. 

The saying goes : Outcome is not important, most important is the process. Yes the process is torturous, not happy not fulfilling not fruitful at all. It is jus emotions, the takeaways can be very different. Yes finally solve it. No, to reach this outcome, we have come a long way suffering. Totally different perspectives. 

This is exactly why i am unhappy and so unsatisfied and unfulfilled in my job. Seriously what have i learnt from this torturous road. No it doesnt fine tune my framing. Some of the frames are definitely better, but not the others. Shrugs. The time spent could be more well spent than this.  So im actually not patient, i have alr given up. It is pointless. Whatever really. So other parts of the job is fine, dealing with super nice and smart pple, dealing with pple with interesting perspectives and who offer different and exciting angles, the different type of humour, the more exciting paths they have taken me on, i appreciate their presence and im really fortunate to have known them. They offer me great learning pointers and i didnt know there is this method of framing it, a few jap have surprised me with their framing of the topic. I can follow. And they r really interesting and can be more effective, cos they can simplify a complex issue and facilitates articulation. No frowns. Only smiles. It is like wow. Lucky i can follow so i get to learnt his method. U will really need to change ur own to follow theirs. And dont judge. By following, u dun assess, u follow. U dun advise and comment when they are not asked, u question so the person is able to sharpen and fine tune his framing. U paved his own path, not ask him to take the path u have paved. Thats the difference. Shrugs. Different coaching method. Or is it even coaching? It is jus getting things done, in a specific prescribed way. Which one is more important? Reaching the outcome and paving the path. Im clear of my own answers to my questions. Everyone can have different answers, so long as they execute what they say/ think. Dont do one way and answer the other way. U r complicating life not simplifying it. Meanwhile, sacrificing many others along the way. 

I really need an environment change. I cant be unhappy most of the time upon contact. It is a terrible ordeal. Congrats to those souls who had deserved the rewards. They are really great workers. Glad that there r eyes around, can see what they had done. They are the difference makers. Or even game changers. Maybe the team promoted the difference makers to game changers. 

Sugoi. Kudos. 

Realisation of what is important

I realise what is important is prolly leave behind a legacy, legacy of not what i have achieved as deliverables but a leagcy of who has my spirit. I realise it is a motivator for me to spend time explaining n chatting about stuff like tat. Pple have a mind of their own, they judge, they assess or sometimes they r influenced, of cos can be positively or negatively. Time is somehow spent and deemed as not wasted, jus because the person has obtained and may carry on this spirit and mindset. Even if they dont, they may do so for the period of time they are working with me. 

Yes through chatting, i discover more abt myself too. Benefits reaped. And obviously they have invested their valuable time too. Glad that i know so many people recently who can have htht with me at the right frequency. And i know the connection is brought by trust, sincerity and honesty. We bare our hearts and thots, so comforting. I know what motivates is to contribute and make a difference, together with like minded pple. Maybe i shld start or join a cause. The power of the want to making things happen, TOGETHER, is the drive to carry things out. If i were to do alone, i may nt last. I will be less happy and feel less achieved. Achieve as in not the outcome but the process. The few examples in my mind are the 3-pple proj in uni with overnight stays and bgss unit creation. Pure team work. Without anyone of us, we would not have experienced the achievement of the process and the outcome. 

I also know while i like to go against others, obviously for valid reasons, jus loosely put across, i go against myself too. Yes. I am getting out of my comfort. Who i want to train myself to be is one with a balanced mbti. Like my I and E. yes i am both. This trait is quite clear to me and also especially if i get mixed responses and hesitation from close frens. Im obviously training my T and F.  Forcing my priorities to change. R/s more than outcome. I think i can do J. i cant do S for sure, maybe try next next year. Shrugs. 

Knowing more and more health cases, i mus push for focus on health, no stupid sacrifices anymore. Not jus for myself but for pple i care. I shall be an advocate for this coming year. 

Seriously what do pple gain at the end of all these years? U dun brag abt how much u had done, oh ive set up this system, this new patent, change the way pple maybe but not the former, it is like so what? When we were told when we look back, we had done this much, erm but so? And ya for what? U got the wrong audience if u think we will feel achieved? For doing all these? No. Makes no sense. Pls, we were forced. If we were empowered to handle it , this is not our choice of path. Still, i dun mind gg thru all these at the end, cos it is the team's work at the end, even if they are wrong choices made along the way. The team's strength is that of its weakest link anyway. For this ok. What we have learnt from this, erm if i have a choice, i wont learn like that, nothing much i would say, other than witnessing what shld not be done, yes the negative demonstration. Leaving to other pple leading? Pls see what happens to the app proj also, if not for taking it in our own stride, if not for stepping up, there isnt a 23 feb cos it will be left in the hands of some pple who dun know wat to do, leading the whole team to suffer. What do i learn? U can only depend on urself, regardless of the instruction, counter it. Reflect and identify the learning pt, then applying and pass it down. Tats prolly my motivation. Else so what if i learn that. Like so what for the exposure? Really what can i do with it? Am i gg to do what u think it will be? Ask me. Yes ask myself. 

Obstacles supposed to make u grow

I wonder if i really need to blog on work. Sometimes to prove a pt, we need egs. How to recall such egs. And seriously whats the pt of rmbering a negative event anyway. Sanguines do not "bear such grudges". 2 frens gave me honest feedback yesterday. We r not particularly close but they told me. Im touched actually as they had the courage to tell me a negative pt abt me. How many pple hide this in the world. I applaud their genuinity. Emotional yes. For sure, after trigger. The trigger is pokey. It is like malign cos of his own inconsistency and now want to talk abt lvlling up workshop? 

Even if i want to lvl up, im not gg to learn this path. It is my choice. Not interested to take that path at all. 

The infra workshop was mind boggling. Nobody understands the intent but managed to go with the flow. Im also glad that many of us beg to differ the pt shared on relationship vs outcome. Of cos win-win will be taking care of both. But the approach is offend the person with intent then after that go and "sayang" the person. Dotz leh. Offend with intent is unforgivable. It is jus wishful thinking that u can salvage the r/s jus by gg back to the person after that? Pls. I would rather u not come feigning or explaining that u have no choice due to situation. No such thing as no choice. U have chose to offend at that pt in time. So pls. And so fluffy. Observations become lecture. Pple obviously dun get it. I inferred it as facilitating the awareness of one another so that we can be more tolerant with each other. 

Another horrible brainwash is prioritising the vip. Fren said im an oxymoron. Im v easygoing and blur usually but can be agitated. They do not gel as one person. Shrugs. I suppose i am not like myself when im angry. I will not hesitate to show displeasure and stay firm if it is against my principles. The choice of actions is despicable to me. Why mus i follow in silence? U want u can carry on, dont drag me along this crap. The brainwash is jus ridiculous. Counterpropose cant u? U r jus encouraging vip to treat themselves as vip. If they expect themselves to be treated as kings, i will treat them more like dirt. What kind of expectation is that. Go and find boot licking minions then. 

As bosses, shld open ur eyes and ears to see. Not wait for unsung heroes to tell u. Nv tell u too bad? Again agitated cos it is obviously a flawed system. Flawed mindset. And nobody is doing anything to change the norm to the better like the pioneer of the women movement who managed a breakthrough. Yet, they stupidly join in what is deemed to be accepted and thus adapt. Adapt is a positive word. But really, they stupidly adapt. Then most imptly, it is their choice. Do not impose such actions on others. I judge only when they want me to follow their which i obviously loathe. Otherwise yes i will keep the judgement to myself. Dont blame me for being nasty if u r the one who 强人所难. 

And whoa realise also many pple are actually v observant. Same sentiments. Amazing that pple can reenact, can be scary at times, cos they rmb. Does thisncount as bearing grudges? Whats the pt of rmbering? They can mimic. They know what will they say knowing their pattern. "we have compensated u" quoted by someone i din expect. I din think they r not happy abt this. There r more grievances than i thot in the field. And yes i dun see link betw the compensation and the r/s. Personal balance obtain from compensation? Not good. But yet glad that im not the only one who disapproves. And huh? those egs were like years back. And yes many are against reading in betw the lines, this is jus trying to be political. Second guessing. Even if others are doing it, we do not need to join in. 

And yes i realise when im motivated, tho with abit of sceptism and still do not fully agree but mostly agreed is enuff actually, by one, im always demotivated by another. I am reminded that they are exact opposites tho amazingly they complemented each other. Shrugs. One remains bright and hopeful which definitely suits me more. The other is dark. Dark? I dunno how is dark like. But yea if the thinking and the intent are the same, the pitch is different. Obviously i cant fit in the darker pitch. Always clash. 

Ya all of us also realise that we were always told that we shld be doing this and that, shld seek to clarify, shld ask, shld sync more, shld pre empt and prepare, never ending shlds. And these action items are for us, none for the bosses. When they r obviously wrong, they do not have the shld. They have no action items for themselves. Only we need to change. How fair is this?

And im seriously impressed. Proves to be understanding. Hilarious to be able to mimic. Amazing. 

"Yea meet more to synchro. This type of mtg is good."

can imagine every sentence can counter.

" yes u give up u keep quiet, but he will poke until u explode. Will somehow say the magic trigger when u keep quiet, and i guarantee and cfm that u will sure explode."

Blogged the above 3 days ago. Didnt publish cos run out of data plan on the move.

Awesome long ride. East to west.

And i transported my bike from sumgar to triv.