It is quite painful for my mil to get me to eat fruits. Im sorry, but actually can jus give up on me eating fruits. But thanks for the kind intent and heartwarming efforts. Mix some rock melon with ice cream is one method. So smart right. And she has to remind me to eat x number of cut fruits. Cannot jus eat one or two. And thanks to merv who likes to bao dou me " she only eats 2!". Real thanks. She will wonder why so xin ku esp if the fruits are sweet. Their family has the habit of eating fruits but we dont leh. Even longi starts to eat more only when sudi eats i suppose.
Really love to jus sip the tea alone. Solitude. Makes my mind think with clarity. Makes me less stressed and makes me feel that the time has stopped. A luxury. A calm encounter. Taking off a moment to "stone". Stone is really not a proper word, i jus use it loosely to jus sit there like a stone or a rock, not moving, jus staring out into blank space. Everywhere else continues moving except me stoning there, unmoving. It is like "shag", i mean it doesnt really mean fatigue or exhausted, seriously.
A quote to ponder, and yes i agree.
When u handle urself, use ur head. When u handle others, use ur heart.
Im not too F to achieve this. I think i use my head 70-80% of the time. Oblivious to others' feelings prolly. A failure right. But well sometimes on purpose, cos i either think the person deserves it or i want to get back at the person, or the person shld get used to this side of me and do nt expect much more cos he or she is likely to take kindness for granted. It is jus self defence mechanism at work. Pple react to the surrounding, and respond to treatments accordingly.
I spoke abt hating to rise, rise up the corporate ladder. But im willing to give it another try, if it means another to climb up the ladder. Now what is it in the former that i hate. It isnt easy to articulate. It is all in the mind, a feeling, an impression instilled in me. But to improve my comms skill, i thot shld try harder in articulating what is within me.
What i hate
1. Being moulded. Being told to do a certain set of actions which i alr loathe in the first place. If i need to do this to climb up, im so not climbing. Now what r these set of actions. Losing the main focus of why u work. The main focus has changed to pleasing the boss? Dropping everything else jus to make time to present and brief and report, without any gains in exchange? Is he gg to give some valuable insights and to guide me, if not, i will report, but i will not spend so much effort to perfect the brief. It is jus not necessary and meaningless and im sorry that the standard to brief is not good enough. It is the boss' job to guide and to perfect it along the way, the tolerance and patience given to the staff to better his or her presentation. And do explain why, not jus saying " u mus do this and that, there is no why cos everyone is doing it, and i have no choice." If u understand my character, this is never acceptable to me, and i have no intention of changing myself to just do it.
The korean show pinnochio is a good eg. A pinnochio syndrome is fictional, one who cant lie, else will keep hiccupping, and everyone knows that he or she is lying. To make scenes newsworthy, they have to shoot scenes of pple slipping on the ice and falling down. And yes u can only eye power, cannot help, and u wish that more fell to get the severity of the situation on film. The character cant take it, she jus has to help. And that ruin whats captured on film. It doesnt occur to her until some senpai pointed out, now nobody will be aware, nobody will take the situation more seriously, and be more wary when they walk along the roads, the message isnt conveyed that the roads are really slippery due to the heavy snow. And she wont help anymore, she collects info instead by interviewing the pedestrians to convey issues on the roads due to the snow to the mass public. The mindset is reframed. The job becomes more purposeful, and it isnt trying to make them become a worse person by nt helping jus to get newsworthy pieces.
So yes, i will blame my boss for not explaining it to me, it is expected of the boss to do so. Like what i did to my staff. I explain the firm belief behind the task, it makes our job seems more useful. Lousy bosses cant understand this. Even if they explain, they explain it to their own acdeptance lvl, and not according to the staff's personality. Im aware of this, so i can treat my staff this way too. According to their personality, i know what they r looking for, and when i negotiate, i go according to what they had desired it to be. This is adapting. I will continue to hone this skill.
2. Pretentious. Many times i was told that at this lvl, u need to do this and that. It is wayang to me. I felt prisoned. Why will i condone such actions? Im glad i did everything within my control to change it. And not follow suit. And i am supported by this quote from an article.
As a leader, Fairn explains, “I strive to be real, open, and unpretentious, so people can be themselves around me and access the most energy. I generate that vigor by really getting to know the people I work with and finding out what’s important to them personally.” In short, managing your energy means being authentic at work and encouraging others to do the same. Discover and play to your signature strengths, make room for your team to play to theirs, and as a result, you’ll be able to unleash greater performance as a team.
Maybe it is really jus these two fundamental values. Jus 2? But severe enuff. Im not sure are there anything else. Realisation. I didnt know what was really bothering me, i jus know that i hate, but i dig deeper i can communicate actually. Sharm is a great communicator, i like her ted x talk. She is humble, and she is genuine and she shares unpretentiously. It was natural. A great role model. It is not the content, it is the aura of the speaker. It doesnt need need to be polished. The strength and energy emitted to influence and engage. When can i reach this stage?
3. Wait, one more coming to my mind. Not doing what the boss shld do, instead jus saying no choice. Yes i hated this too. Whats the pt of highlighting to the boss then, might as well settle myself. resource was poorly managed. Doesnt make sense. Maybe it is supposed to, it wasnt explained. Alot of hidden agendas, lack of teamwork. Not someone im keen to follow, to run alongside and to work for or with. Instead, is someone i want to shun from as it was making my life difficult, energy draining. Yes im in control to get rid of these negativities. Not helping the staff. Placed the organisation above the staff. It shld be on par, striking win win and not jus win for the org. Wat a disgrace to even drive oneself to behave this way. Urgh. It is like a terrorist mindset. Wat on earth, striving and chionging for a ridiculous belief. It doesnt matter if org was good or bad, it is the concept that u sacrifice one side for the other. It is incorrigible. See? How do i articulate this, pple with the same values will share such sentiments, without the need to say in words. The exchange of brainwaves. There is prolly no right or wrong. Like saving private ryan. It is controversial and morally dilemmic, it is jus easier to work with the same sch of thots. So opposing sch of thots are good for offering alternative views, but not to be forced upon. Kinda link to first one prolly. But this is v much imposing one's ideas onto others, not embracing diversity. So much crap abt embracing diversity. Appalled.
So yes tats abt it i guess. When im asked, i can flip this up for them to read. Or i shld try to articulate these thots as well as speakers i salute to. I will write abt what i love next time.
