Pokemon hunting @ chinese garden

So many pokestops with lures!

Usual pokemons. 

Super nice bonsai zen garden. 

Zodiac garden and sundial. We occupied the pagoda gym together for 1 min of fame. 

The crowd was incredible. And i knew why. Onix appeared. 

Happy national day!

9 aug 2016. Happy hols. Yesterday was the only monday without bluez. My friend jus had to point out that nah, it is the only monday with the bluez postponed to wednesday. Splashing a pail of iced water on me totally. 

Mr brown did the video with the national day song : we can achieve. Achieving catch'em all. Lol. Rallying the whole of singapore to join in the quest of catching more pokemons today?!

Somehow i really love my outdoor blinds. 2 small pieces cost 1600. But it gives me the resort feeling always. Appreciation of the bamboo material. It jus exudes the zen vibes. Shrugs. Sometimes it is jus quiet, as if the whole world stops, other times, baby screams, birds chirp, cars zoom past, some indistinct sounds from afar make me wonder what is happening in the parallel universe. A city so full of activities or hopefully actions. I feel the warmth of the sun. 

The firefly park is suddenly filled with zombies. Walking so slowly and lifelessly with the head looking at the phone in the hand. The phones are all having greenish blue screens. Pple are muttering words like : pidgey again. ratata is here. Omg there is a snorlax! Lets go to the gym. Lets take down that one. Tats practically the convo in the park. Tats life now. 

My plants arent flowering. 

Pokemon go reaches singapore 6 Aug 2016

The global craze has finally reached singapore. It is really amazing to see how people congregate at gyms and pokestop especially those with the lure module activated - petals. Like T4, my fren related it to be. 

Indeed creating social problems, with people keep looking at their phones and stopping suddenly to capture a pokemon which suddenly appears in the path. 

The app really has to remind pple to stay alert of their own surroundings. 

Happy playing to me and to all. 

Really like what dad says : 玩物尚志

The last of the previous portfolio

It is such a wow pic. I would be so small as compared mountains and the sky.

Pals thank me for guidance and mentorship. I replied that i have yet attained what i term as mentorship. My expectation of a mentor is someone who is able to bring out the best in the person, guide without imposing his own methods onto others. Not training pple the way u think they should be.  I will let them know if i think ive become one.

Finally the last wifi proj for existing terminals. Long awaited. Kinda missed the system and the team, well but i do not regret, it is the exchange for leaving one. It is a smaller trade off than having to leave the organisation for now. An option ive found for now. The only team, members defined by myself, whom i feel engaged and a sense of belonging with. The fun, the lessons learnt, the quibbles, the late nights, the discussions, the drawings, the conf calls etc. i cant thank them enough for such a wonderful phase in my life. The purpose and meaning and the pure hearts to achieve the common aligned interest. Thereafter, things went downhill. Im actually sorry to fall out of this marathon. But on the positive side, im trying to attempt to pick it up again. I have a choice and i define my destiny, who i want to be. Do not tell me what to do.

Ive again be reminded via a project that the lvl of happiness obtained through success via team work is way above that via individual. The lvl of joy is far beyond individual success. So yes it reminds pple not to keep to themselves and struggle on their own, instead, they shld be leveraging others' experience and knowledge and borrowing their saws. You obviously need an open mind, and non competitive attitude to do. Collaborative spirit is what we are talking about. Seriously why do pple like to try to achieve it themselves? Pride? It is jus very attitude to me. Fear of arrowing pple? It is the art of engaging people so that they do not feel arrowed. But own and willingly step up to assume the role and offer help. They will then feel involved while understanding the intent and purpose of the task. Without feeling being arrowed.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=v3D98noIsp4

While ive met some who are simply just....seem to be trying their luck (I dont get why mus they do that), Ive met others who are so kind, always looking out for me, always sharing tips, always encouraging and cheering me up. Cute pple. Always make me smile instead of frown. Thank you all, who will always remain in my heart. Like the wifi team. 

Thanks to those who bring smiles to my glum face

Last day of a 5.5-yr long portfolio

Congrats to myself!!  Finally!! I think im abit insensitive in being too happy. Shucks. 

But well even james was amused by how happy i am. I really think i have been happier than before. I have nt fallen sick since cny. Last yr was so frequent!! I have fewer email backlogs and im happier to face challenges. An article says singapore has more above average problem solvers, so if it is so common here, it is an expected skill. So yes i look forward to solving problems. Instead of shunning them, like urgh why mus i be the one to solve it. Urgh why got so many problems. So im embracing them now and dealing with them enthusiastically. Shld learn frm natalie also. She is so cheery. And yes she has v good skills that i can learn from and hopefully we can complement each other. 

Ilean says last day still saga leh. The fundamentals scare me. The fact of fault finding. The fact of prata-ing. The fact of forgetting, not the exact details, but the values and prinicples that forms the reasons which guided the decision. It ended late. My patience wears thin when im not allowed to jus end there. Everyone agrees avoiding is the best option when sadness turns to anger turns to hatred and which results in attitude. Yes lack of control, but i want to get out of this, let time dilutes it. Ilean says it in a calmer way. Which is good, which i will learn. I also salute serene for handling such ___ boss and amazingly wide portfolio. She is a good person and worker, really. Pple shldnt take her for granted.

So isa and ilean were affected by my "exit", they call it. They told me explicitly since i dont sense and get it. Our logic couldnt reconcile. They r v nice, really. Im quite speechless. And as usual, i cant reciprocate in their lvl. 1 jul, We went to eat mookata at beach road then to bugis starbucks where we talk for like 2.5 hrs? Whoa so long right. Really wish that they become strong and zai. And dont ever be corrupted by whatever disgusting societal culture. Know what is right and protect ur true self. Talk to pple more to gain insights, eliminate malicious gossips and fight for urself and ur team next time. Im already learning frm them and will continue to be. Thanks for teaching me so many things tat were in my blindspots. They r really superb pple. Keep the good traits, learn more good behaviours and ditch the bad ones. Ganbarimasu!

Therapeutic moments

What is therapeutic?

Watching the paint diffuses in the water.

Watching otters speed through in the water.

Watching clouds move across the blue sky.

Watching the waves smashing onto the beach.

Watching the vast world from a high point.

They r all associated with nature and peace. As i get older, i enjoy moments of doing nothing. But still ocassionally. Like u cant be doing 24/7 right. It will be so boring. So when u finally pause and watch, u will feel that it is luxury and u are grateful for this present moment.

Most of the time, u will be grabbing opportunities such as training for marksmanship instead of rotting in the bunk for fear of risks. -____-||| n dun ask why the mouth can go so long. Wrong focus. Always.

I was a july baby

Not that i am not a cancerian anymore, i am a jul adult now. Jul auntie. Urgh.

Happy bday to me! Tho im almost a day earlier from the exact hr i was brought to earth. I was a night baby but im a lark adult, far from the owl.

I admired the moving clouds, the pics werent specifically taken on the exact day. They were jus in the draft, so i might as well jus post them. Anyway, when im connecting with only myself, not to family n frens and work, im v much enjoying the connection with nature too. Arent we lucky? right from within the home, i can jus watch the moving clouds in the vast and immensely huge sky. N us humans as tiny specks of dust in each of our pigeon holes doing different activities, like mind chatter. So busy. So bustling with life, with movements, with noise.

I watched this show last night. Dangerous beauty. A true story apparently. Eloquence means promiscuity in the mind, and then promiscuity in the body. What a scary thot. I admire the strength and power from the intellectual and with bonus, beauty. N the strength from the courage to stand up for what is right, despite being the only one standing. It was a ridiculous situation, maligning the victim and death sentencing her becos of witchcraft? It is not a fact, they are jus merely beliefs by some, not all. How is one gg to get out of such a situation? N it is ridiculous that everyone stayed silence, even for those who dont believe it, they didnt utter a word. They were submissive and let things happen on their own accord. Nobody made any move except for one, and he had no other supporters till the v last moment. What if and how many of such cases, that the last moment is the same as other previous moments. Why are pple like that? Why dont they dare to stand up against it. The freedom, the rights, the mind and the contraints, which won the tussle?

I read this article on letting go. I think pple may be applying the guidelines inappropriately. It is scary. The world. The world is scary. Oh was this the thot of the te****ist? Do i have to intentionally encrypt the word? Shrugs. I couldnt comprehend their belief and want and sacrifice made jus to destroy the corrupted world by killing innocents. Their minds are overpowering them and they are influenced or brainwashed? They think we commoners are the ones being brainwashed. They r standing up against something which to pple in the right frame of mind, is wrong. Jus wrong to take lives, to cleanse? Urgh, hell no. I know many frens who need to know 6 and 7. I like 8 and 9.

1. The secret to getting ahead is to focus all of your energy not on fixing and fighting the old, but on building and growing something new.
2. In most cases, you can’t calm the storm – it’s not worth trying.  What you can do is calm yourself, and the storm will pass.
3. You can always control the way you respond to what happens, and in your response is your power.
4. Oftentimes letting go is simply changing the labels you place on a situation – it’s looking at the same situation with fresh eyes and an open mind.
5. There is absolutely nothing about your present circumstances that prevents you from making progress, one tiny step at a time.
6. The day you “understood” everything, was the day you stopped trying to figure everything out.  The day you find peace and freedom again will be the day you let everything go.
7. You must let go of certainty.  And you must remember that the opposite of certainty is not uncertainty, it’s openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace life as it is, rather than resisting it.  The ultimate challenge is to accept yourself exactly as you are, and accept life just as it is, but never stop trying to learn and grow to the best of your abilities.
8. Underneath it all, the hardest part is not really letting go, but rather learning to start over.
9. Stepping onto a brand new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation that no longer fits, or no longer exists.

Oh, did i mention that i wonder if my journalling is affecting the way i write? In emails. The words are probably very punctuated. I type what was in my mind, like chatting with the person. Not a properly formed sentence cos im not writing a paper. Another good chap left caas cos of the want to stop being a paper engineer. What other skills did you learn over the 2-3 yrs, except for writing a good paper? I dont deny that it is important to be able to write a paper, articulating all the plan and conveying all the messages effectively and efficiently. But there is more to working life than this. Im like writing a speech? 

As my colleague puts it, stream of consciousness, i have investigated and reflected, so i thank and appreciate him for pointing out. I probably didnt take email as official and formal as him.

While it is free to pen one's thots and feelings, unrestrictedly, it is probably important that we write legible language which we can be understood. Singlish isnt doing us good cos of improper sentence structure, both in english and mandarin. 我不知从几时起就不能写出一篇让人叹为观止的文章了。在写的过程，时不时停了好几次，才能好不容易找到词句接下去。别说写短篇，就连讲出一口流利的话语都有困难，还亏我以前念的是高级华文，现在的程度就连一个中学生都不如吧。真是遗憾。these 2 languages are no doubt most practical and useful, we are really fortunate forced to study these from young. It is an irony, since we were forced to. Who will determine whether it is right or wrong to force what? Is it really for the good of the learner. Shrugs, prolly yes for some, and some others took it out of context again. These guidelines really cant apply to all. They mus be assessed and analysed. And without the power of the intellect, it is impossible to do so, thus there r some who are the underprivileged. Urgh. I guess i can accept the unfairness, but not without doing anything. I think actions shld still be done to march towards equality. Otherwise, it is jus too unfair and it is scary to jsut accept things like tat without doing anything.im not sure if im too idealistic, but the intent and heart should be right from the start. The ability and strength is of secondary order. The resilience and skills to break obstacles right ahead is what i will train and equip myself with.

Consolation to myself on my bday:- wisdom and experience and knowledge comes with age.

Lotje - My beautiful broken brain

A very nice film on netflix. It reminds us of what we have always taken for granted. How our brains allow us to live. She was once known to be the speed queen of multi tasking. One day in the hotel room, she lost the ability to read, write and think coherently. And with the vision slightly impaired with distortions and colours.  She speaks very well and imagine how strong her linguistic capabilities are before the unfortunate event. Actually, no, it isnt an unfortunate one, she takes it very positively despite fears. Her choice words and her articulation of the words, her thots are engaging and inspiring. I like her voice and of cos her british accent. Like jojo struys, her words are very well articulated. I enjoy watching them tell stories. Some quotes or observations that i really love below. 

1. I only focus on things that matters. 

2. I do recordings so that i dont forget them. 

3. It is about having to rethink your life halfway through. But you dont have to have a brain haemorrhage. 

4. When you are finally not defined by your limitations, you are now defined by your endless possibilities. 

5.  Quiet. Peace. The mind needs quiet to function. 

6. Everyone loves a story. Everyone loves stories. 

7. I cant write, or be clever or be normal. 

Articulating inner thots - practising

It is quite painful for my mil to get me to eat fruits. Im sorry, but actually can jus give up on me eating fruits. But thanks for the kind intent and heartwarming efforts. Mix some rock melon with ice cream is one method. So smart right. And she has to remind me to eat x number of cut fruits. Cannot jus eat one or two. And thanks to merv who likes to bao dou me " she only eats 2!". Real thanks. She will wonder why so xin ku esp if the fruits are sweet. Their family has the habit of eating fruits but we dont leh. Even longi starts to eat more only when sudi eats i suppose.

Really love to jus sip the tea alone. Solitude. Makes my mind think with clarity. Makes me less stressed and makes me feel that the time has stopped. A luxury. A calm encounter. Taking off a moment to "stone". Stone is really not a proper word, i jus use it loosely to jus sit there like a stone or a rock, not moving, jus staring out into blank space. Everywhere else continues moving except me stoning there, unmoving. It is like "shag", i mean it doesnt really mean fatigue or exhausted, seriously. 

A quote to ponder, and yes i agree. 

When u handle urself, use ur head. When u handle others, use ur heart. 

Im not too F to achieve this. I think i use my head 70-80% of the time. Oblivious to others' feelings prolly. A failure right. But well sometimes on purpose, cos i either think the person deserves it or i want to get back at the person, or the person shld get used to this side of me and do nt expect much more cos he or she is likely to take kindness for granted. It is jus self defence mechanism at work. Pple react to the surrounding, and respond to treatments accordingly.

I spoke abt hating to rise, rise up the corporate ladder. But im willing to give it another try, if it means another to climb up the ladder. Now what is it in the former that i hate. It isnt easy to articulate. It is all in the mind, a feeling, an impression instilled in me. But to improve my comms skill, i thot shld try harder in articulating what is within me. 

What i hate

1. Being moulded. Being told to do a certain set of actions which i alr loathe in the first place. If i need to do this to climb up, im so not climbing. Now what r these set of actions. Losing the main focus of why u work. The main focus has changed to pleasing the boss? Dropping everything else jus to make time to present and brief and report, without any gains in exchange? Is he gg to give some valuable insights and to guide me, if not, i will report, but i will not spend so much effort to perfect the brief. It is jus not necessary and meaningless and im sorry that the standard to brief is not good enough. It is the boss' job to guide and to perfect it along the way, the tolerance and patience given to the staff to better his or her presentation. And do explain why, not jus saying " u mus do this and that, there is no why cos everyone is doing it, and i have no choice." If u understand my character, this is never acceptable to me, and i have no intention of changing myself to just do it. 

The korean show pinnochio is a good eg. A pinnochio syndrome is fictional, one who cant lie, else will keep hiccupping, and everyone knows that he or she is lying. To make scenes newsworthy, they have to shoot scenes of pple slipping on the ice and falling down. And yes u can only eye power, cannot help, and u wish that more fell to get the severity of the situation on film. The character cant take it, she jus has to help. And that ruin whats captured on film. It doesnt occur to her until some senpai pointed out, now nobody will be aware, nobody will take the situation more seriously, and be more wary when they walk along the roads, the message isnt conveyed that the roads are really slippery due to the heavy snow. And she wont help anymore, she collects info instead by interviewing the pedestrians to convey issues on the roads due to the snow to the mass public. The mindset is reframed. The job becomes more purposeful, and it isnt trying to make them become a worse person by nt helping jus to get newsworthy pieces.

So yes, i will blame my boss for not explaining it to me, it is expected of the boss to do so. Like what i did to my staff. I explain the firm belief behind the task, it makes our job seems more useful. Lousy bosses cant understand this. Even if they explain, they explain it to their own acdeptance lvl, and not according to the staff's personality. Im aware of this, so i can treat my staff this way too. According to their personality, i know what they r looking for, and when i negotiate, i go according to what they had desired it to be. This is adapting. I will continue to hone this skill.

2. Pretentious. Many times i was told that at this lvl, u need to do this and that. It is wayang to me. I felt prisoned. Why will i condone such actions? Im glad i did everything within my control to change it. And not follow suit. And i am supported by this quote from an article.

As a leader, Fairn explains, “I strive to be real, open, and unpretentious, so people can be themselves around me and access the most energy. I generate that vigor by really getting to know the people I work with and finding out what’s important to them personally.” In short, managing your energy means being authentic at work and encouraging others to do the same. Discover and play to your signature strengths, make room for your team to play to theirs, and as a result, you’ll be able to unleash greater performance as a team.

Maybe it is really jus these two fundamental values. Jus 2? But severe enuff. Im not sure are there anything else. Realisation. I didnt know what was really bothering me, i jus know that i hate, but i dig deeper i can communicate actually. Sharm is a great communicator, i like her ted x talk. She is humble, and she is genuine and she shares unpretentiously. It was natural. A great role model. It is not the content, it is the aura of the speaker. It doesnt need need to be polished. The strength and energy emitted to influence and engage. When can i reach this stage?

3. Wait, one more coming to my mind. Not doing what the boss shld do, instead jus saying no choice. Yes i hated this too. Whats the pt of highlighting to the boss then, might as well settle myself. resource was poorly managed. Doesnt make sense. Maybe it is supposed to, it wasnt explained. Alot of hidden agendas, lack of teamwork. Not someone im keen to follow, to run alongside and to work for or with. Instead, is someone i want to shun from as it was making my life difficult, energy draining. Yes im in control to get rid of these negativities. Not helping the staff. Placed the organisation above the staff. It shld be on par, striking win win and not jus win for the org. Wat a disgrace to even drive oneself to behave this way. Urgh. It is like a terrorist mindset. Wat on earth, striving and chionging for a ridiculous belief. It doesnt matter if org was good or bad, it is the concept that u sacrifice one side for the other. It is incorrigible. See? How do i articulate this, pple with the same values will share such sentiments, without the need to say in words. The exchange of brainwaves. There is prolly no right or wrong. Like saving private ryan. It is controversial and morally dilemmic, it is jus easier to work with the same sch of thots. So opposing sch of thots are good for offering alternative views, but not to be forced upon. Kinda link to first one prolly. But this is v much imposing one's ideas onto others, not embracing diversity. So much crap abt embracing diversity. Appalled.

So yes tats abt it i guess. When im asked, i can flip this up for them to read. Or i shld try to articulate these thots as well as speakers i salute to. I will write abt what i love next time.

Heart v mind

Lhttp://www.boredpanda.com/heart-and-brain-web-comic-awkward-yeti-nick-seluk/

This comic is cute. Lol. The constant struggle betw the mind and the heart. Which will u follow? I dont know abt the rest of the human race, i m always stuck in this struggle. Which is really bad right. Tho many times, as long as not at the expense of others, i will jus follow my heart. Freedom is my life motto. YOLO so why mus u do the most logical thing, having said this, my brain likes to take over and fixes everything which doesnt seem right, urghhhh.. See what i mean. It is alr at work. Blogging is fine, i get to just throw out whatever is on my mind, i dont filter much. Becos of my speed, even when i speak, i dont filter much. So yes can be offensive at times, and at times, i dont really mean what it seems to be. 

Im quite lazy to use my brain at times, it feels v drained. My fren said that this is called stretched. My facial muscles felt cramp, my brain felt like exploding, i dont fancy this, dont feel at ease, not natural, not fun.

U know i compare the 2 days, thurs and fri. Thurs i went to a damn ulu raintr33 hotel whose name really sound sleazy for a workshop - 5-yr strategic planning. With the mgmt, i only felt out of place. I dont know why im there in the first place. But it is good for exposure. It is actually v interesting. The right move to brain pool for ideas to wow others with our beloved national icon. They shld have an app for pple to post on the walls and to vote. Yes all staff shld be given a chance to participate. The power of crowdsourcing. I also thot of many ideas, these type come up the best at lunch talks, when u can talk freely. So many E pple ard, dying to share their ideas, i wont want to interrupt, jus a barrier that im in no position to. Thats why an app prolly will help, not jus one day but over a period of time, when pple bathe, shit, commute, stone, ideas will jus keep flowing. And i mus say that the presentation was superb leh. The content, the ability to engage, the backgrd, the relevance, the facilitation techniques all there, im really impressed. Reminds me of the sessions at hta hq and yep hq. There r v good speakers ard. They r smart but they dont dominate. They faciliate, that was the crux and i really like this skill cos you encourage pple to share their ideas and when you process and connect the dots, you unravel the universe, the power of brainstorming together. A v constrained session for me, it will be so much fun if i'm with my clique, one session, one day is cfm insufficient. This is cool, sit down to think, to exchange, to share and not jus blindly rushing without a purpose. They need to communicate the purpose of projects outcomes more seriously. It is more purposeful to work like tat. Pple wont mind putting in extra effort for a greater good, a greater cause, the ultimate reason why u even work, other than for the remuneration. And i really jus had to skip their dinner, cos it will nt be fun, i cant talk freely, i dont like some pple and i cant fake and wayang. I know i shld learn how to socialise, actually i can do it easily, but jus not that setting especially i know some styles. I recall steve mentioning the dinner at sweden, some pple are talking to me more, i dunno why he mus mention it, is he jealous or upset? Anyway, i jus cant be myself and i really hate to put myself in such situations. Even tho i v much want to know more pple. Sigh. I will choose to pass. Thats why travel is good right, u start on a clean slate, u dont know anyone, u start to learn more frm strangers. Anyway, i think it is good to put myself outside my comfort zone, i feel stupid among them, cos ya like what frens said, maybe im jus not familiar with the subject, tho it may be consolation that im actually not v smart, since my brain is taxed so much. It seems like working my brain too hard. It hurts. Thats why it is a good move to ops. I need to restart learning some other systems, i got a timeline, i need to pick up fast and deploy it. How? I need to startegise and use others' saws. It is actually a good feeling, cos it is teamwork, i need them, and i need to squeeze my way in to see how i can contribute without disappointing some who have faith in my involvement. Challenge to live up to their expectation, but im willing to take this one up. Bring it on. Im surprised actually, im usually, aiya why mus i do this, sianz leh. This one, i have the drive, missing for a long time. Im glad it is back. And i thank the presence of good influence ard me. The encouragement of these presence drives me.

And so on fri, i voluntarily went on site to support kenny, poor guy, so much weight to be carried, and alone. His boss, his peers (lucky he has us), his staff....or maybe he is not engaging them enuff, or they left him in the lurch i dunno. It is such a fun site walk. The team was there, the pple are so nice. Helping one another to build better comms rooms which are fit for use. To rectify defects without argument. Such a good working relationship, n watching the strengths of all at work. The atmosphere was heartwarming actually. A strong team with a good culture, closely knitted with competence, capability and fun! And i learnt too, mind not too stretched but i learnt what they look out for. Im v eager to learn from subject matter experts and they explain why, thanks for sharing the info, im always v uncomfortable with making pple wasting time explaining to me, so im really grateful. So yes, i love fri, i hate thurs. not the subject, it is the people.

I had a good talk with my new boss too. He has the same mindset as me. Phew. The fundamentals, the values arent clashing. And of cos i know the difference betw us, he is smarter, he is more tactful and he is super good at relationship and presentation, the way he speaks with the rightly timed pauses. Good to have found a role model. He gives me good vibes, that i know he will help me if i need him, less that he is quite busy also. Time may a problem. V pple mgr too, knows what staff needs instead imposing what the staff is expected onto them. I will rmb the content of the chat, i will try to work on it, i hope i progress over the yrs instead of remaining stagnant. And my dear new staff is also not 省油的灯. And my new boss uses quite cheem chinese sia.....haven met such pple for a long time. I mean my chinese is lousy, but there r so many pple worse than mine. Lol. The dunmanians agree when we met at sw's wedding last month, somemore they r c lit pple. We are really surprised that sgporeans mandarin are really quite cmi. I think mine's the worse among my dunmanians frens alr. And so yes nat, i thot she is v gd leh, jus like ilean and isa, i have things to learn frm them, a great start right. Ive heard pple complaining abt how incompetent their staff are, end up they do themselves, im so lucky i guess. And jeff say 马终于遇见他的伯乐. I was like whoa. I really dunno why the complaints abt nat. Sometimes if the boss is not good, not capable of managing and developing staff, then still wanna blame the staff for this and that, and worse, badmouth staff? Dont say smth like haven learnt to run, then want to fly. Everyone's pace is different, how do u know that she cant run? Jus ur assessment, from dunno which stereotype, even if it is, dont need to put pple down. Im sure if u compare the same schling year, she is better than u. So dont put pple down, jus becos you were born a few years earlier. So 嚣张 these, cmi. So judgemental. Anyway yes i debunk most of his judgement, dunno hear from who. And i can hear that he himself is also praising her, even at calibration session. There is a lvl of uncertainty in the judgement, so this is good. Cant label one person as bad yet. Or good. Actually biasness is really scary. Once good, may not be always good. Cannot be one judge good and 10 others judge him to be bad, then he is still considered cos the one judge is oblivious to the surroundings, or jus becos he has higher weight n more say in concluding whether one is good or bad. So the ability to sustain is impt. Jus like the airport. Jus like myself, when i know when i slip, which is still fortunate for me as im aware. I know how to bring it back up, and influence positively while impacting necessary skills selflessly. So yes thanks for reconfirming my own assessment too.  Thanks for being open and honest. This r/s shldnt be taken granted. 

Honestly, im abit 愧疚, recently they have been saying more. Voicing out more. More of 1 jul. more of nobody to discuss with, more of preference to work tog cos i can cover things they lack such as ability to recognise 360 views and setting clear directions. Lol i take it as compliment. I really think i can set better directions than many others, i know wat risks im taking, instead of leaving it hanging in mid air, thats how staff can execute with peace of mind and with certainty. This will enable them. But im perceived that im weaker in these areas as compared to drive, which is also why i keep sharpening myself in these areas. Ya maybe not good enuff. And yes im sure my execution drops also actually due to workload, but it is still the highest score, so i also wonder why. Maybe i shld find some mentors to chit chat, forgot to ask jeff, but then maybe working r/s not long enuff to tell, tho he mentioned he had watched and know how i work since a long time back. I had a few qn marks at that moment. So fast judge le ah, but well, be it good or bad, maybe i can prove them wrong, tats why once good or bad, may not be forever good or bad. Stamina to sustain is key.

My heart is v much towards nt doing, the gap with the brain is higher now. Less disciplined, more nua. But im enjoying life more, and im termed as farnie and notty by others leh..lol. Cute too. Whatever that means, yes. Lol. Even the new contract staff also wonder why. N he is a good observer . Smart also. If he is nt attached, i think he is superb for ilean. 

Connecting...the minds n the hearts

Slightly mind intriguing. Thot provoking. Applaudable achievements beautifully compiled.

The townhall content n the little book of cag. Indeed i love working in changi airport, but i dont love working in cag. Yet. Remaining hopeful, tho i wish to see more, experience more.

The book is well written. Have it been standardised? The style of writing. V presentable, easy to read. Cater for the masses. 

The pioneers of the airport, tho may nt be their sole efforts, they represent the pioneers who had gone thru the right values, the right discipline, the right training. The purpose n passion is for the right cause. It is heart warming to learn that there r such workers ard. Nt for other reasons, nt for the glory. The unsung heroes, admirable spirit which resonates with what i have deep in my heart. Not for wayang, not for visibility, not to fight for due credit. Meritocracy is double edged. Pple r focusing at the wrong areas. For merits not for the actual meaning of their tasks. Yes it is making difference to the pple's lives that matters. U have contributed to the society. That makes work purposeful. Im scared. I fear. I dont want to get entrapped in the rat race of ladder climbing by working for showcasing. N i dont want to start drawing lines, purposely letting balls drop thru the cracks, watching them fall with eyes wide open, cos it is nt my job to n idiots jus took for granted n continue not doing anything since there was precedence. This boundary setting culture is horrifying. One of the write-ups in the book reminded all of this pt. real teamwork. Ive extracted it to be pic of this entry.

The stories shared were good, they bring a message, directly or indirectly. They explained why the tasks were carried out. They were told to do so, so did their leaders explain the why or did they derive the why themselves. Kudos. They shld communicate more of such implicit intent. Good ones. Purposeful ones. Those unethical n irrelevant implicit goals can be left out. The reason on why u embark on this journey or cause shld be one that touch lives. Ceo ended the book well, simply but well written. Thanks the team for publishing this compilation. I only hope it is nt for show pls. I really dont want to start doubting the reasons y they r doing this. This doubt is confirmed influenced by certain pple. Their minds r too corrupted, too much agenda, overly sensitive, too smart for their own good. I need to stay away from these pple. 

There r genuine pple who do things directly related to what they think, want, love to do. It is genuine, one simple track, one reason for the greater benefit for all. How noble. N i want to sincerely believe this. There r pple who r real n true to themselves, to others n to the world. N i only want to be among these. To do my job well, to contribute, to pick up new things, to see the world n to impact knowledge n skills to the younger generations. Not to become one who is so tired of tasks, unable to see the purpose behind the job, to siam all work, to step into the shadows n jus live day by day, to complain n do nothing in contribution, to draw lines n become unhelpful, to do only wat can be seen, to influence others with my low energy lvl n my jaded self. Clarity will help me see n think n feel clearly. I need to act n change as much as possible, to turn negativity into positivity.

Saturday wedding lunch @ four seasons

Congrats to xingyou and melinda. Beautiful and entertaining wedding at four seasons i must say. Nice ambience, food is not bad. String quartet, a photo booth and a live band. And yes the bros help out alot, even better in a farnie way. Some happenings are really quite kok up. But they stay as fun memories. And im impressed by how good their memories are to be able to narrate the finest details. 

Murphy's day

Murphy's law. Today is exceptional. I need to do a mind dump. Even tho im really lazy at typing it out. And tho im alr better after taking a slow bath and then had dinner and watched 30 min of tv, ive more or less mind dumped. I still choose to type in the end. Cos i listed a few wants this morning during the commuting hour, to find back my drive and reinforce my purpose of living the day, including working for 10 hours daily. First i have to know what i want then i can drive my actions towards it.

The day started slow, as usual, my deliberate change since long time back, i dun rush in the morning. I woke up half an hr earlier to laze ard and brush my teeth more slowly. Then took the train from west to east, and had a relaxing bfast with usual bfast kakis and chatted randomly.

Went to the t1e orat mtg, was quite a good one, cos achieved my goal to convey the msg. Jus to highlight that first, IT is working and we clearly know what is happening within our control, second, highlight issues and to find info that we need but we dont know. Chairman got the hint, urgently request for coordination mtg. Exactly! Whose role is it? Why no overseer one? Nobody knows wats happening at the higher level. Everyone is only looking at their own portions, assuming the other portions. Sigh... The result - Go round and round. 

Satisfied, tho it took longer than i expected. It was alright. I handled other issues via emails and texts in the mtg, ocassionally looking up to roughly know abt the orat plans. Detrimental to my brain tho..switching betw topics, fast. As im getting older, im reluctant to multi task, things shld jus queue. One at a time. Cant focus, cant think clearly, or stress. All 3 are negative.

Then cleared some emails and cleared people's queries, aiding others. Then late lunch at bk. Bad diet.

Then t4 orat- cleared. Quite good too. Not wasting time. We brain pooled.

T1e structure, brain stormed and quite good with some progress too. Tho took longer than usual also. Striked a good nego with lst. People shld really be enlightened by now isnt it? Work at the expense of health? I was jus thinking it is easier to manage ambitious staff prolly. Staff who jus want to retire, what can u do to develop and motivate? They have seen the world and know wat u will be thinking back on ur death bed. What are the memorable events? The ability and skill to achieve success in all life's aspects is then deemed to be a real success. Successful in jus one area, okay....

Loll in the end, i didnt complete the blog that night. Got intercepted by work chats. Work chats are another feat i need to make changes to. Have obviously adapted to work chats cos couldnt keep up with emails. But now it is overwhelming again. But it is more instant. It can even send pdf now. Anyhow good for me, that i cant recall much of that frenzy night. But bad for me cos my memory wouldnt be trained to pick up events. Im quite sore over not being able to rmb certain things easily. Quite a struggle to dig, squint and frown. 

I wanna train myself up with better memories actually. So lets see. Ive calender to remind me. So those rushing at desk are a blur. And i really dont like it, it must be unimportant since i cant rmb so why am i still doing it, i know a few pple stepped in to discuss, and i rmb quickly clearing some emails by typing furiously, determined to get it done before the next mtg, so blocking off other distractions. Serious me = scary me. Loll i was told. They really dun dare to come and chit chat. 

Then i went sbd mtg with wch. Not much conclusion. Info not ready.sigh. Then rush to t4, to settle lan integration. Actually im quite lazy to type out what happened. But we managed to organise it tho there is some follow up required for the pple. Perceptions and interpretations. In the end im still glad that we clarified and resolved it. Tats the most impt. Else no pt bringing it up. Really takes 2 hands to clap. The smallest thing also need teamwork. And here's where murphy visits. Everything isnt right, need to rework, delay and then kyo sai to damage control. And so this drags till 10pm. Shag. 

Reflecting points learnt from the proj

At first instance, nothing much. Cos human problem. Things can get worse or better if there is change of team members. Actually no change of people. They arent even team members, they arent any team players at all. Despicable. 

Really thot for 5 min, what could have been done better next time? Erm...

And oh ya. Even newcomer also great-minds-think-alike with us. Jus so difficult to with. Every interaction is practising endurance. Win liao. Epic. Epic fail. I really wonder why and how....

Disappointing yet glad

Really. Disappointed. Pple are bastards who make life difficult for others. Recently, ive no idea why pple keep asking me for help. Becos this so and so, that so and so is so bastard. Im ok to help them, jus wondering why mus these things happen. Some pple jus make comments without intelligence. At the expense of others, consequential to others. Are they even keep track of what they are saying? Did they like say for fun? Where is the honesty and respect for others. Horrible pple. 

Yet glad thhat im doing my best to change it. I dun even bother complaining seriously. I will fight my own battle. To make things better. As much as possible. Giving my best. 

Jus coincidentally, a chat with a fren reminded me of this number 1 person in my blacklist.  Really why are there such pple on earth. Urgh. Appalled. C'mon pple, we need a volunteer. Roll eyes. Cant u jus volunteer urself. I mus say the credit for my best trainee award goes to him. Thanks for being such a contrasting being to make me look good. And also thanks to him, i jus want to make him look bad. Stop talking so much and do it. Even a gal does the tough job of carrying jerry cans. Can u pls. I dun suffer la. I like carrying to train my muscles tho. But yes ive that mindset to make him look bad too. By the way. 

Tho glad that im making my own life better, ultimately, i still need to find a sanctuary. It isnt a place where i can thrive. All bullshit. All talks no action. Things happen. Did nothing. Try to drag time, make pple suffer. Despicable leh. I hope such pple receive their karma. Really nothing can be done to them. The whole world is enduring. Watever. I dont really care. Offend offend lor. Take a look at themselves first into the mirror. Cant u see what is happening and all u did was nothing. Urgh. Pukes. 

The danish mindset of work

http://www.stylist.co.uk/life/living-danishly-how-and-why-to-leave-work-on-time-every-single-day-job-careers-work-life-balance-happiness

Whoa, im almost danish. I started to think that it is really stupid to work overtime. Like c'mon. Whats the gain? But yes seriously, i wan to get the work done, quickly. Efficiently, do less for more. Becos, i dun want to stop another person who is waiting for my work, like an in-line production. Becos i want to get it off my chest, and not to see it again on my to-do list another day. How see the same task again and again. That helps for me not to procrastinate. So yes, overtime means u r inefficient, have poor time mgmt as u cant prioritise, and then nobody is gg to pity u if u sighhh in whatsapp. Wat to do? No choice. Some of the few words which i used to dislike and now hate. Oh purleaseeee.

Sign of commitment vs stupidity. The 2 sch of thots are on the extreme end right. If the boss is of either kind, the staff got to adapt accordingly. Otherwise, the boss better embrace both and assess accordingly, jus different styles and pref. I vote for the danish's of cos.

Get a life outside work. There is so much to jus spending effort and time and well being at one subject in life for the entire 24 hours of that day. No tomorrows. Carpe diem. Everyday has a purpose. So live with one.

Made it to friday!

First few cycling trips in the west

Lakeside. Checked. 

Xiaoguilin and Bukit timah. Checked. 

One north and u town. Checked. 

The duration wont be accurate cos sometimes forgot to pause the workout and once forgot to resume the workout. 

Thanks to fun companions for enjoyable early morning cycling trips. 

The slopes are too much for old pple like me. Even with gear. 

A random day to refresh

A day off. 

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-24264/minimalism-is-the-secret-to-getting-sht-done-heres-why.html

The article on decisions speaks the truth. So i took this day off. A tuesday. Random.  Tho i prefer monday off, i have too many mtgs. Ya i can jus skip for sure. Nothing will be missed. I wont be missed. Shrugs. Jus minimising inconvenience either to myself later or to others. I dunno. This approach may be wrong. Actually i think im much better than others alr. Talking abt letting go, i can do so quite easily. Everyone can cover one another, really nobody is indispensable. 

I washed the bedsheet the moment i woke up. U know why? If i dun do it the first thing in the morning, i will nv do it. Then i keep and fold the clothes, sweep the floor, make my lemon juice and chicken patty for bfast. Closed 2 out of 4 work items. Work is essential. To keep me sane. I jus need to make sure im not controlled by it that i become insane. Picked up a few calls. Im more willing to for unknown landlines when im freer. 

Then i ate cornetto mini and banana for lunch and went hdb branch to settle some admin stuff. To west coast plaza toast box now for lunch and chill with my kopi c siew dai. 

The article says minimalism. I still have to do list. Given my style, i jus need to space things out so i can chill in betw activities. Deliberately creates waiting time. So next is to get a body massage. Then when i get home, i needa iron skme clothes so that m doesnt need to wear jeans. Altho i seriously think he shld iron some himself even after burning my poor maroon shirt. M doesnt quit messing places up. Say thousand times lehhhh. Sigh.

Then ya i have a few blogs in my draft. Particularly travel ones. And ive procrastinated at least 3 wks? Oh ya need to make dinner too. The day passes so quickly. Time waits for no one. Sobz. 

Turning a sad stage into an angry one

I shld be a sanguine right. But this has been on my mind since 4pm. Urgh. It is not the situation itself. Not cos of the relevant pple or happenings entirely, or maybe it is cos of the pple or rather person. Shrugs. He did it unknowingly. So even more sad right? While i thot im the more insensitive one but right i will understand immediately if it is explained or mentioned. His is still cannot get it even after explanation. Explicitly. 

So yes since 2 yrs ago, im like dreading my work. I tried to complete what i started. Im surprised that i still appear to have the drive. Appear. Im an open book, im quite sure i show everything on my face. Even my dear teammates noticed the change alr. Oh no. Am i really stepping into the path of no return? Totally destroyed. The drive. 

Everything seems meaningless. I know i wont have a sense of achievement of this "used to be glorious and fun and full of learning opportunities" project. We need to handle the infra team and the main con and then the system owners and the direct contractors. The picture was clear in my head. We r the glue. Every one Is doing a good job, it will be better if we glue all these good jobs together. And fill in the holes we happen to identify along the way. The mission was clear. The plan was to share with each other the status. And then it got intercepted by our own pple leh, once in awhile and we had to do it. Unwillingly. M says the solution is to quit. Actually i quitted right, i quit in my mind alr. Tho occassionally i still try to put it back on track cos im wired to do so. It is a struggle. A torture. I teared as i write this. Why did we hve to come down this path? Why is it that there is no choice. I feel that my power, my drive, my passion is taken away. I dun nid to do anything. And u know wat i hate, but im still required to be responsible overall. So it is my mission, i carried it thru. Im a salaried employee. Im a soldier. I can carry the mission. But i cant and will not carry out mindless orders. Wat is to be responsible? Not that i want to control but i felt that i shld know enuff to plan and move the whole troupe. Why am i not being supoorted in this mission. Why is my life made so horrible. I couldnt comprehend. I dont even want to know and be in control if i dont need to be responsible.  I really hate the way it is run. Really. And i dont have the drive to make things better alr. There is no pt. cos every time we were told no choice. We had to do in a certain way. Seriously. Im damn sad. We r not even controlling the outcome of the first prt, infra team and the main con. And now the other system owners and direct contractors beocme victimised. I really think it is throwing the face of cag officers. Top company produces this kind of employees? With such work standard. Sigh. Im ashamed to be associated with this. 

I really. Will have wasted these 5 yrs working on a proj i know i wont be proud of at the end. Wats there to be proud of. I dont feel achieved. A typical eg of the outcome doesnt matter, it is the process that counts. And there r jus too many wounds in the process which are not recoverable. They remained as deep scars. 

How can pple not help each other if we understand the outcome. Why r pple out to make things difficult for others. Sobz. 

Even tho im grateful to have a handful of us who share the same thots, im still perturbed to be in this situation. I am not even doing my job of keeping it on track im jus letting it veer off. Way off. How??? Terrible life leh. I also will blame it upon myself cos there is no such thing as no choice, im not taking charge. Actually i dont know to. Dear coach, this is the time i need u. I need to hear ur advice. I regreted not quitting totally, like jus leave for another division. It was a poor decision. Devastated. 

Dear a told me i can change the culture of the new team, it is not an easy feat but it is exactly what i wanted to do right. Ive managed to spread to this current team so now it will be the next. I feel happy. To be influencing others the good way. The beneficial way which will help them in their job. The right. Not the crooked way. The proactive way. Not the passive way. To have Grit, empathy, curiosity and collaborative tendencies. I hope they spread. Together we will build the culture.  They encouraged me to spread the right ideals. I have always been doing it happily but i jus had to deal with obstacles along my way. Im really sad to leave my dear teammates but im happy to leave my biggest obstacle. I hope asap. But meanwhile i need to deal with the way this project is handled. Old man has poor pm skills (like at least 3 pple said that alr), why are we stepping into the trap and play along ah. I dun get it. Ridiculous la. 

Poor k, he is really victimised. His baby and wife too. So inconsiderate these pple. I hope they have karma. So many ways to run the proj. K is prolly the only one i will sacrifice to help. He is doing his best. And he is so zen and still can joke. No wonder he is my idol. I forgot abt him being my idol. A good eg for certain traits. I swear that i will help u. I will. The others ah want me to help willingly wait long long. This is wat i call true and real respect. I will support u all the way. As long as i dont have irritating obstacles. 

Obstacle is really getting worse. Is it lack of slp or stress or dunno wat shit. The understanding is horrendous. Different language different freq. dear coach, How? The cauldron keeps heating up. And im in it. 

I learnt new things in calib today. Valid qns. I noted how others answer. Convincingly. Answers that do not prompt how so. Answers that leads to orh. Oh i see. Some v good ans today in fact tho yea not easy to ans still cos yes thats the job, thats fm. Pple are using scale and complexity, n this is nt good enuff. Really pekcek if pple are not answering questions. I shld learn to answer beautifully. 

I hate where and who i am now. Not in life. Jus at work. Bracing myself up, i shall let go. I dont need to make things right. I will not take pride in this proj. I will focus on my well being and my relationship with pple. I will heck care this proj. It will be my new mission. Im not interested in this role which ive struggled over the years, which had turn me into a more impatient and unfriendly brat. I had enuff of this obstacle and devil. Thats it. The new role starts now. Even if pple poke me, i will keep quiet. I had better things to do. Since u r not gg to support me, im not playing my role with responsibility. U want u can blame me for every failure later. Go ahead. I show u what is real defiant. Turning my sadness into anger, u caused it. 

Specially for A and I

For A and I. 

Everyone shld be calm on the inside. They r on the outside. They can handle such discrepancy betw the inner self and outer self. I cant. Loll im really an open door. So it is a good skill to be able to conceal whenever u want to. But their insides are prolly having bigger waves than what we can see from the naked eyes. Dealing with these 2 increase my sensitivity towards pple. Both are phlegmatics. So thanks for training me to sense. And im the confrontational type. I will verify my second guessing or assumption and thanks them for always opening up and telling me honestly. Sincere comms make things easier. However. Both have fears. Which lead them to uncertainty and then fickle mindedness. Hmm. So ya always i try to allay their fears. Nothing to fear. Embrace the future and look forward to a brighter one. Unknowns are exciting. And deals with whatever comes ur way. It is a mindset, an attitude, a choice to face it. The future. Isnt it?

Qing ming at cck columbarium

It rained. Again. I drove.

Longi din come, cos xy say cannot. But last yr after my wedding i also attend. Shrugs.

It has been 12 yrs and 7 yrs respective to our dear gramps. I hope both pf them have reincarnated into good families. I always wonder, what if they have alr, then why are we still burning joss papers?

Tho er yi isnt here cos hers was sea burial. I always wish the same for her, be freed of suffering. Live with happiness. And us living ones shld too. Thanks for watching over us, as always.

Visit to tpy

This is how gay. Colleagues meet on wkend. Not as if we haven seen each other enuff. Yes we went to eat the famous tpy rojak. 

And then we went ai lin's place to chill and luff over hk photos. Thanks ilean for hosting us.

Wedding in jakarta, indonesia

27 mar 2016. 

See how we squeeze into the car. The ladies sat on the guys laps. Imba. Papa sat in front, luggages behind. And we got the taste of jakarta jam from the airport to the lunch place.

Jakarta wasnt a super fun place to visit. Good cheap food and massages thats all prolly. I did body massage, cream bath and facial horrible manicure. 

We were really v glad. Jus like 20 yrs ago, the 5 of us travelled, tho this time with 2 additions to the family. Thanks pup and miqi for accommodating. Prolly not easy for them. But we are really touched with tears to be able travel again.

The joke of the trip- my atrocious manicure, i had remove them before the wedding. I cant bear to show anyone. And to the point that i had to tell the manicurist to stop, not do the other hand anymore. I think she gets it, im sorry, usually i will aiya nvm let her do la, dun hurt her feelings, but sorry, this standard i really cant. We always luff when we look at the photo of the ugly nail art. Seriously. I dun really use the word ugly u know. So when i say ugly, it is really beyond what the eyes can endure.

The wedding was ok. Not v fun for them, not much mingling cos they had to sit at the stage and watch pple stand ard and help themselves to the food buffet. Strange hor. Banquet is better, at least can sit. And the newly weds can flutter frm table to table to chit chat.

Met jimmy in his hometown. Our nus pal, it has been so long. We always meet at weddings after we grad. And so kind of him. 做尽了地主之谊. He treated all of us lunch, actually shouldnt have, cos we have 7 and he is only 1. I was in time to go to the cashier but they rejected me, dunno why. I thot jimmy bribe them.